Recognized Seasons
on America's Planet

Earthquakes occur when God gets angry, and throws a fit, starting to jump up and down causing the ground to shake. If you want to avoid being swallowed in an earthquake, it's advised that you stay on God's good side.

Contrary to popular lies spread in California schools, standing in doorways is the worst thing you can do to protect yourself. Doorways are the gates to evil liberal thoughts, especially in California. Simply hold your Bible and framed picture of President George Bush and stay where you are. You will be saved.

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