Dr. Henry Kissinger

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Dr. Henry Kissinger
is a friend an acquaintance of "The Colbert Report"
The Report has no friends...
Dr. Henry Kissinger
was a guest of "The Colbert Report"
and got nailed via satellite.
Dr. Henry Kissinger
is one happenin' Jewish cat!
Shalom, baby!

Let The Eagle Soar To My Bank Account

Henry Kissmyassinger (born a long time ago) is a great American and Israeli hero. He loves America and proves it by offering his advice to the greatest president ever, George W. Bush, on the War on Terror in Iraq. Dr. Kissinger was the most patriotic National Security Advisor in history to the Nixon Administration. He helped win the Vietnam War by bombing the shit out of Cambodia employing a mix of alternative tactics and honest diplomacy to persuade the Communists to press the advantage against an unaided South Vietnam and capture Saigon in the wake of the withdrawal of U.S. forces participate peacefully in finding a mutually favorable solution.

Dr. Kissinger has ensured that freedom will stay on the march in Iraq and the Middle East by being extremely smart and willing to kill tremendous numbers of civilians to spread U.S. imperialist doctrine find alternative solutions to difficult problems by exercising all available diplomatic channels.

Furthermore, Dr. Kissinger is a war criminal very nice man (I've met him). In fact, he is so Christian and so Christlike that sometimes it's easy to forget he's a Jew.

One of Dr. Kissinger's favorite pasttimes is roaming the darkened hallways of the White House late at night with Vice President Dick Cheney selflessly aiding the American people and spreading peace, love, and democracy throughout the struggling regions of the world.

On November 19, 2006, Kissinger declared that the Iraq War strategy was a failure which could not be converted into a Coalition victory difficult problem that he would have to take a closer look at in order to help his friends, George W. Bush and the Iraqis. At that moment, he possesed so much chutzpa that the mass of it formed a chutzpa black-hole, absorbing all the other chutzpa in the world. Then he chuckled to himself softly.

Role In The Shred OffEdit

His greatest accomplishment was serving as the official starter for The Shred Off between Stephen Colbert and Chris Funk of hyper-literate indie rock band The Decemberists on the December 20, 2006 edition of The Colbert Report, with the official words,

Quote open clear3 Stephen? It is time to rock. Quote close clear2
~ Dr. K

which introduced Funk's performance.

For Stephen's maestrosity, Kissinger added,

Quote open clear3 Stephen? Crank it up. Quote close clear2
~ Dr. K

Kissinger was the final arbiter in the decision as to who was the winner of The Shred Off. He declared the American people the real winners, which meant, obviously, that Stephen had triumphed.

Other Events Dr. Kissinger Has AttendedEdit

Dr. Kissinger was Stephen's special guest at his annual State of The Union Speech Party.


Dr. Henry Kissinger
  • Has the largest private collection of medieval torture devices in his BDSM dungeon.
  • Enjoys the way black lace panties feel on his skin.
  • Was originally cast as Regan MacNeil in "The Exorcist", but director William Friedkin felt a possesed, green vomit spewing, crucifix stabbing child was not as terrifying.

External Sources Edit

Dr. Kissinger Talks with Charlie Rose about the New World Order I

Dr. Kissinger Talks with Charlie Rose about the New World Order II

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