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Double Secret Background Probation

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"THIS IS AN OFFICIAL INTERNAL REPUBLICAN PARTY MEMO, DO NOT DISSEMINATE TO THE PRESS OR NON-MEMBERS. AFTER READING AND COMMITTING THIS INFORMATION TO MEMORY, PLEASE DISPOSE IN THE MANNER PRESCRIBED IN YOUR REPUBLICAN HANDBOOK. GOD BLESS AMERICA."

Rove

Karl Rove, man's man, the guts behind "The Greatest President" and crafty developer of "Double Secret Background".

This super secret background classification was used by Karl Rove when he allegedly revealed certain information about known terrorist sympathizer Valerie Plame to certain alleged members of the liberal media. Sources close to Rove cannot confirm or deny the allegation that he might have been acting under orders, when and if he disclosed Ms. Plame’s identity. If Rove was involved in revealing this information – and only as a “Double Secret Background” source, remember – he would have done so only in order to reveal the truth about the alleged Ms. Plame’s free-loading husband. If Mr. Rove said anything at all, it might have been something to the effect that the good-for-nothing “Mr. Plame” was clearly involved in the attempt by a rogue element within the CIA to cover up the proven existence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

Why So Hush Hush?Edit

As always, Karl Rove’s first thought was of his country, his President, and his fellow citizens. Being the magnanimous sort, Rove also wanted to protect Ms. Plame-Wilson from the prying persecution of any activist judges who might wish to look into any “case” that might arise from “someone’s” having revealed the identity of a CIA agent.

Double Secret Background would allow Rove to "talk shop" to newspaper reporters. One of the reporters Rove may or may not have talked was Bob Novak, a lone voice of reason adrift in a sea of Yellow Journalism, who had been a target of the vast left wing conspiracy for many years due to his brash use of newspapers to tell the right side of the story. Another reporter with whom Rove allegedly spoke was Time Magazine’s Matthew Cooper, who purportedly wrote an email to his editor attributing certain information about a certain CIA Agent to Mr. Rove, but noted that this information could not be openly traced back to its source because it was given on “Double Secret Background”. Allegedly.

The Background of Double Secret BackgroundEdit

Wormer

Dean Wormer, the visionary behind "Double Secret Probation".

To accomplish his task without breaking any laws causing any difficulties for the country, The President, or Ms. Plame-Wilson, Rove looked back to his college days. He took a little-known concept from his school's dean and his personal mentor, Dean Wormer. This concept was known as "Double Secret Probation". It was used by Wormer, in times of emergency, to rid his campus of wife-stealing, beer-swilling, toga-wearing liberal ne'er-do-wells. Rove adapted Dean Wormer's concept, and Double Secret Background was created.

Double Secret Background was a concept invented by Rove, and certainly cannot be credited to any of his loyal assistants.


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