Dominick Philip is a criminal mastermind and a deranged "book-lover". He was Nailed by the American Justice System for loving books and failing to pay his taxes, but he never learned his lesson.
His Criminal CareerEdit
The Event- Dominick Philip, a resident of Tatamy, PA, was very exited for the Nazareth Memorial Library annual parade. He was mostly exited about tooting his brand new kazoo. So, a photographer for a local newspaper was there, who took his picture and published it in the newspaper that says "Dominick Philip of Tatamy..." The library saw this, and was outraged that he was a member of Tatamy, because they don't pay their tax dollars to the library. Edit
Nailed!- After finding out about his felony, the Nazareth Library took away Philip's library card, and he was banned for life. #Nailed'EmEdit
Life After Crime: Dominick Philip is now a successful high school student and enjoys singing, music, and chasing girls. Philip has somewhat recovered, however he is still getting hate calls from library lovers around the globe. He told me "I apologize for all my mistakes. I was a young boy hungry for love at the kazoo parade. If I could erase all my mistakes with an eraser, I would. However it is too late, and life will never be the same." Edit
Update: October 25, 2017Edit
Some Activist Judge showed leniency and is allowing him to read as many books he wants until the end of 2009. Stephen Colbert will have none of it, to make sure this monster is properly punished Stephen sent him a box full of mandatory "heavy reading" material for him. Dominick Philip will have to read so many books that he will learn to hate them just like any Real American should! Now, in 2017, Philip has unlimited access to reading material at his high school media center. Hurrah!