District of Colombia

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U Aint Here
District of Colombia
is not a Recognized State of the United States of America.
All the geography American schoolkids Need To Know.

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District of Colombia (DC) is the capital of God's country, the New Jerusalem, the City of the Hill, as anyone who reads The Bible knows. From the headquarters of the Restore Jesus Corporation, here meticulous plans are hatched to free the Old Jerusalem (kind of dirty and dingy after 3000 years of use) from the terrorists and make it nice and tidy for the new and improved Jesus to return and walk the Earth again

In preparation for his return, Jesus has talked to Former President George W. Bush and President Barack H. Obama about his plans for the world. These include smiting his and his pal God's enemies, a world financial meltdown to create more poor people for him to save, and setting up a hide-away bed for him in the White House somewhere.

Once Jesus becomes President of the United States, he will turn the Potomac River into wine and thereby restructure the District of Colombia's economy from that of privatizing public services to just full-out getting wasted all the time. Doing deals over drinks in Foggy Bottom will be replaced by doing it in the drink.

Some minor institutions related to the Restore Jesus Corporation are the Senate, Congress, Supreme Court, Library of Congress and some museum.

People Edit

Washington D.C. is actually a city of the South, but fortunately it does not have an autonomous government to manage it, so the Blacks will never get control. The Tenth Amendment to the United States Constitution does not apply to the District of Columbia. Phew!

Local citizens volunteer their services to Congress in such organizations as Putting Out for Jesus, The Cocaine Cooperative, and One Hit Man, One Vote.

Some Congressmen such as Robert Wexler, who has gone on record as enjoying cocaine because it's a fun thing to do, have been criticized for failing to embrace the young boys and girls of the area and celebrate their taut bodies.

Facts Edit

  • the District of Columbia was blown up by Martians in 2001 but rebuilt the year later
  • a movie about the destruction of the capital was edited into a film called Mars Attacks
  • every new-born in the DC area is born with stigmata signaling the restoration of Jesus
  • the American Psychological Association has its headquarters in DC because it is the most normal place in America
  • local drug dealers welcome visitors by punching them in the shoulder
  • it is the only place where former Congressman Garry Condit could get away with murder - metaphorically speaking of course

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