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Diet Coke: Link to Communism?Edit
Recently, within the liberal media, Diet Coke's trademark red banner has been linked to communism, merely as "a red band continually wrapping around the true spirit of capitalism." Fortunately, these god-haters do not influence the noble truthiness of Dr. Colbert and the God's Own Party, and Coca-Cola and the Diet Coke Label have been defended against nobly, with Commentators like Jesus, Abraham Lincoln, and of course Papa Bear lending a hand to defend America's Drink.
Aspartame in Diet Coke: Dangerous?Edit
Thus far, leading Conservative scientists, such as the Nobel Prize Winning Doctor and President of the United States, Bill Frist, proved that Diet Coke is safe, merely by examining a picture of the product. However, if any leading pharmaceuticals can link the product to cancer, this conclusion was misconstrued by the left-wing press, and we should all go purchase the necessary and genius medicinal cure. There's nothing like supporting Hallibur...er...Merck.
Diet Coke: Used as a Weapon?Edit
Diet Coke is used as a weapon in the army and can sometimes do something to the enemy. Not often, but sometimes. Stricter laws are being passed right now that will make it illegal to bring Diet Coke to school. A new invention will be installed in all airports that detects Diet Coke. Diet Coke will become illegal in airports and the White House. Soon you will have to be at least 21 years of age to buy Diet Coke. Please don't buy Diet Coke for minors. They could hurt someone.