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Dick Trickle

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NASCAR
Dick Trickle
wakes up in the morning and pisses excellence!


Dick Trickle is a well-respected NASCAR driver, notorious for having the funniest name in NASCAR ever. He is a distant relative of Cole Trickle, a crappy NASCAR driver.

AccomplishmentsEdit

While Trickle never won any NASCAR races, he managed to set a record for "most announcers who have laughed at a NASCAR driver's name", with 47. In the 1990 Winston 500 (the fifth most important NASCAR race of the season), he was seen on national television smoking a cigarette and drinking an Old Style beer (noted for its slogan, "Pure brewed in God's Country"). It is a little-known fact that Trickle smoked as much as a whole pack of cigarettes every race.

Thanks to his humorous name and habit of smoking in the race cars, Trickle won the NASCAR "Most Popular Driver" award every year from his first season in 1989, to his last in 1998. (Dale Earnhardt was "above" ever running for such an award, as everyone knew he'd win outright. So Earnhardt removed his name from balloting every year in order to give another driver a chance.)

Short Track KingEdit

In regional short-track races, Trickle has a 97% winning percentage, having won 1379 career races. The reason his winning percentage is so high comes from his funny name. Most short track drivers drive drunk. Since Trickle drove at a new track every weekend, nobody remembered him, seeing as rednecks do not have the memory capability to remember things that have happened over a week ago. Accordingly, when Trickle's name was announced at the beginning of every race, all other drivers pissed themselves laughing. Since urine is a toxic hazard in race cars (it reacts with carbon monoxide to form bears), the drivers all had to get out of their cars and change clothes. By the time they all started racing again, Trickle had usually already completed half the race.

The 3% of races Trickle lost came from part failures, caused by faulty parts that did not come from NAPA.

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