"Dibs Registry"
Is an essential component of's Internets Tube for Nerds

The Dibs Registry is yet another genius website thought up by the Spreader of Truth himself, Stephen Colbert. It was first mentioned on the November 30, 2006 episode of Comedy Central's The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. During the Daily/Colbert toss, Colbert rightfully pointed out that he had called dibs on three of the stories that Stewart had stolen: the "Michael Richards Affair", the Pope visiting Turkey, and Malachi. Stewart had the cajones to say that a person can't just call dibs on a story. Colbert told Stewart about the Dibs Registry at Stewart joked that the website would probably be created after Colbert mentioned it. The website ( was not available, but .net was) is a wonderful forum created by hero Tom Gersic right after the show aired. Whenever there is a post by Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert, a small picture of his face is shown next to his name (just as Stephen said in the toss).


The pimpin' banner that welcomes you to Dibs Registry. Gold-plated and all-American.

The site has recently been given what most consider an upgrade, although Pumpkins everywhere are weeping and begging for a "more orange-y" color scheme. There have been many notable "dib wars" and "dib fests."

Future StoriesEdit


The Daily Tabloid.

The "Future Stories" were posted by members of the Colbert Nation who posed as Stephen and Jon to make dibs on stories that they predicted would take place in the future. Sometimes the members would post as themselves. Most of the "Future Stories" deal with the Melon Wars. The format is:

Name of Dibber: Dibs Called On

Stephen Colbert: future story #1: tomkat divorce
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #2: coverage of Rumsfeld's new book: If I Made Mistakes, These Were the Ones I Made
Stephen Colbert: Future story #3: Jon Stewart's rage-filled response to Stephen Colbert's calling dibs on future stories
Fairy Incognito: Future Story #4: Leakage of Stephen Colbert's naked pictures
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #5: The sale and distribution of my sex tape with Salma Hayak
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #6: Jon Stewart admits honeydew is the king of all melons
Jon Stewart: Future Story #7: How Cantelope is now the offical melon of America
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #8: How Honeydew overthrew the evil pinko-commie dictator Cantelope and took over as official melon of America
Jon Stewart: Future Story #9: How Honeydew became a homosex-table, and how is resigning from being the official melon - returning Canteope to power
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #10: How Cantaloupe was shamed by "Melongate," eventually resigning and putting Honeydew back in power
Jon Stewart: Future Story #11: How Honeydew was assasinated by a cucumber.
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #12: How cucumber was actually an operative working against Honeydew, and instead poisoned Honeydew with Polonium 210
Lewis Black: Future Story #13: The brief rise to power of watermellon, ending tragically after the appointment of Gallagher as VP
Jon Stewart: Future Story #14: Cantaloupe gaining world domination after a brief scandal with Tom Cruise
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #15: Cantaloupe's public funeral, because like I future reported earlier, he got poisoned.
Jon Stewart: Future Story #16: Cantaloupe is revealed to be alive, after Cantaloupe's evil twin was killed.
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #17: The real cantaloupe being assassinated by the small, but swift Raisin
Jon Stewart: Future Story #18: The revealing that cantaloupe has a triplet, and the triplet gains world domination and gives raisin governorship of California.
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #19: God and Jesus publically announce they are backing Honeydew
Jon Stewart: Future Story #20: The revealing that the Jews were right, and Jesus was not the son of God. Honeydew gets banished to Hell. God is shocked, and promotes Canteloupe #3 to God II: The Sequel.
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #21: Satin rises again, gets huge following, backs Honeydew for '08 presidency. Country is now divide. Vladimir Putin and Hitler have all been promised presidential cabinet seats.
Jon Stewart: Future Story #22: The Fruit Vote
Jon Stewart: Future Story #24?: The TomKat Fake Baby Story
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #25: Jon Stewart's baby with Tom Cruise
Jon Stewart: Future Story #26: Stephen Colbert's Nambla Baby with Mark Foley.
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #27: Jon Stewart's Love Affair with a Cantaloupe up his ass
Jon Stewart: Future Story #28: Stephen Colbert replacing his testicles with actual Honeydew melons.
Katie Holmes: Future Story #29: TomKat's divorce
Governor Vilsack: Future Story #30: Iowa buying out the Nebraska State Fair
Her Fruitiness: Future Story #31: Stephen and Charlene- the reunion
Jon Stewart: Future Story #32: Stephen Colbert's ultimate demise from becoming a democrat
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #33: Jon Stewart revealed being a card carrying communist bastard that likes inferior things compared to me, Stephen Colbert.
Jon Stewart: Future Story #34: Stephen Colbert's sexual affair with Hillary Clinton at a Motel 6.
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #35: Me beating Barry Manilow in a singing match
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #36: Me beating Barry Manilow in a Mulch Match
Captain Sir Richard Francis Burton: Future Story #37: Stephen Colbert runs for President of the United States in the Election of 2008, and wins.
Captain Sir Richard Francis Burton: Future Story #38: President Colbert is impeached for having an affair with Jon Stewart.
Snowden: Future Story #39: Fangirls protest impeachment because Stephen/Jon is haaawwwtt!!!
Gaia Faye: Future Story #40: Fangirl impeachment-protest turns to riot-- upset that evidence tapes not released to public.
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #41: Me winning an Oscar without ever being in a movie. I'm THAT good.
Jon Stewart: Future Story #42: Me having Doogal re-released and then forcing people to go see it.
Jon Stewart: Future Story #43: Doogal winning an academy award and beating out Titanic as the Largest-grossing movie of all time.
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #44: Being named one of the "Men of the Year" in GQ's December Issue...oh wait?
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #45: Pollution from Factories: Ban Cheesecake and Laugh Factories.
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #46: Blindness linked to masturbation.
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #47: How Obesity in Children will lead to World Peace.
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #48: Cartoonist Bruce Tinsley arrested at NAMBLA rally.
Jon Stewart: Future Story #49: Santa Claus pulled over for DUI; Sleigh, reindeer impounded
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #50: Chanukah Harry being arrested, then calling Mel Gibson a dirty Christian.
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #51: Jon Stewart coming out of the closet, and being a full blown homosexual with Tony Rubin.
Jon Stewart: Future Story #52: Stephen Colbert seen leaving Bill O'Reilly's home with loofah and falafel
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #53: Jon Stewart hangs aroud with hippies. and gets high
Jon Stewart: Future Story #54: Stephen Colbert seen leaving the Oval Office with a cigar in hand
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #55: Jon Stewart arrested for killing Christmas
Jon Stewart: Future Story #56: Homeless Stephen Colbert found drunk, raving outside White House, home of President Nancy Pelosi
Jon Stewart: Future Story #57: Orange Juice Resistance Overtakes Colbert Studios; gayifies all cast and staff
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #58: Favoritism and a suspicious number of females in the Stewart White House
Fangirl Gazette: Future Story #59: Is the high number of female staff just a deterrent from the President's real proclivities? Photo evidence inside!
Fangirl Gazette: Future Story #60: Stewart/Colbert relationship revealed!! See photos obtained from our secret White House source!
Jon Stewart: Future Story #61: Stephen's desperate attempt to run for prime minister of Canada fails, when Canada becomes the 51st state.
Fangirl Gazette: Future Story #62: Stewart and Colbert caught feeding each other honeydew and cantaloupe; sexy effects on War in Fruitaq
Jon Stewart: Future Story #63: The death of Honeydew, and how Stephen Colbert cried.
Joe Scarborough: Future Story #64: Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart in my sexual fantasy.
Fangirl Gazette: Future Story #65: Colbert laments loss of life in Fruitaq crossfire-- cries in Stewart's arms; tragically adorable full page photos inside!!!
Keith Olbermann: Future Story #66: Joe Scarborough's fantasies about Colbert + Stewart = #4 on the Countdown
Jon Stewart: Future Story #67: The swift mass burning of the Fangirl Gazette and the American Flag, for no reason.
Stephen Colbert: Future Story #68: Keith Olbermann's Countdown being taken over by me to only be turned into an hour long daily Threatdown.
Fangirl Gazette: Future Story #69: Fangirlism is Flame Retardant-- Who knew? Read the scientific study inside, with completely irrelevant fake news photo ops!
Jon Stewart: Future Story #70: Fangirl Gazette and Vicarious Living vie for fangirl demographic; National Geographic keeps perspective
Joe Scarborough: Future Story #71: Details on my illicit affair with my Latin lover, Juan Stewart.
Joe Scarborough: Future Story #72: Wishing I could have a three-way with Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart. *blush*
Fangirl Gazette: Future Story #73: News from Fruitaq-- Armed forces on both sides overtaken by mysterious melonomia outbreak

The Melon WarsEdit


Honeydew, the official preferred melon of Stephen Colbert!


Watermelon, a gathering storm?

  • December 1-2, 2006: Later called "Melon War I," the war started out as a simple and humorous reference to a segment done on The Daily Show featuring a photo of "Unprotected Anal Sex Fruit Roll-ups." It also referenced the Truthiness Master's melon of choice, the Honeydew. In response, a fellow Colbert Nation member attacked with a reference to Jon Stewart's preference for cantaloupe. What followed was the first battle in the Honeydew vs. Cantaloupe dispute of 2006, that Honeydew via dibs on the aforementioned "Future Stories." Later on, other members of the Colbert Nation forum joined in the continuing saga as either pro-Honeydew or pro-Cantaloupe. Organizations like the Assorted Melon Political Action Committee, Liberals for Honeydew, and Assorted Fruit Political Action Committee formed, creating viscious ads attacking each of the melons, and hinting and Cantaloupe might run for the presidency. The war eventually ended in a tie. The infamous dib that started it all was Stephen Colbert: Honeydew Melon-flavored Unprotected Anal Sex Fruit Gushers. Here's a snippet of what happened next:

    Cantaloupe, Jon Stewart's melon of choice. All filthy liberals seem to love the CANTaloupe.

  • Jon Stewart: Cantelope Fruit Rollup Unprotected Anal Sex followed by Oral
    Stephen Colbert: Future Story #6: Jon Stewart admits honeydew is the king of all melons.
    Jon Stewart: Future Story #7: How Cantelope is now the offical melon of America.
  • December 15-16, 2006: After an all-night dib war, the dibinistas decided to name another date to continue the Melon Wars. Only time will tell who is worthy of being called "King of All Melons."

Esteban Colberto vs. Juan StewartoEdit


Juan Stewarto.

Esteban Colberto and Juan Stewarto
Colberto reporto

Esteban Colberto.

are illegal immigrants. If we don't build a wall, they could come into the country and take the jobs of Stephen Colbert...oh, and I guess Jon Stewart, too. Juan Stewarto first appeared during the December 1-2 dib wars. Also introduced were Roberto Corddrio and Eduardo Helmos. The following are the dibs made during the Esteban vs. Juan battle. WARNING: AMERICAN IS THE BESTEST LANGUAGE EVER, BUT YOU MIGHT HAVE TO DUST OFF THOSE SPANISH DICTIONARIES YOU'VE NEVER USED TO DECIPHER THIS CONVERSATION.:

Juan Stewarto: Changin Juan's name back to Jon
Esteban Colberto: Juan Stewarto
Esteban Colberto: Mis chicas!
Fairy Incognito: Esteban's pastel-colored suits
Juan Stewarto: Aye! Esteban!
Las Chicas: Esteban Colberto!
Esteban Colberto: Sí! ¡Amo a mis chicas!
Juan Stewarto: ¿Dónde están mis chicas?
Las Chicas de Juan Stewarto: ¡Hola, Juan!
Juan Stewarto: ¡Hola, Chicas! Esteban, tengo los chicas. ¡Soy mejor que usted!
Roberto Corddry: Chicas para mi
Eduardo Helms: Y chicas para mi
Las Chicas: Y amamos Esteban! (but our keyboard does not have the Spanish accents and punctuation -- ay, Dios mio!)
La Demostración Diaria (in English, this means "The Daily Show"): ¡Vive de estudios del Comedy Central en Ciudad de México, ésta es la demostración diaria con Juan Stewarto!
Esteban Colberto: Pero usted no tiene cajones grandes como mí, Juan Stewarto.
Juan Stewarto: Tengo un balls-o más grande que Esteban
El Reporto de Colberto: Ábrase de par en par, pájaro del bebé, porque el mama conseguido un nightcrawler grande, gordo de la verdad. ¡Éste es El Reporto de Colbert!
La Demostración Diaria: Esta noche huésped: El Cantalupo: Rey de los melones, y de la fruta en general.
El Reporto de Colberto: ¡Esta noche! ¿Juan Stewarto está empujando la agenda homosexual? Y hablo de porqué el melón de la ligamaza es el rey de todos los melones.
La Demostración Diaria: Esteban Colberto no tiene gusto de los chicas, él tiene gusto de los chicos. Él es un inmigrante ilegal homosexual. Él está empujando la agenda ilegal del homo.
El Reporto de Colberto: Juan Stewarto está diciendo solamente eso porque él no tiene cajones grandes como mí, Esteban Colberto. ¡Él es también un comunista!
Hada De Icógnito: Siendo uno de los chicas de Esteban Colberto.
Señora Colberto: ¡Soy LA chica de Esteban Colberto!
Hada De Icógnito: =( ¡Soy un chica, también! ¡Soy un chica, también!
Stephen Colbert: TOO. MANY. ILLEGALS. OH. MY. GOD. *Head explodes* ALL OF YOU ARE ON NOTICE!!!
Señora Colberto: Eso está muy bien, pero soy la chica lo más arriba posible.
700 Mile Wall: We no speak English well.
Esteban Colberto: ¡Ja ja! ¡Asumiré el control el trabajo de Stephen Colbert!
Hada De Icógnito: ¡Somos toda la Señora Colberto!


See AlsoEdit

External LinksEdit

Dibs Registry

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