Detroit Red Wings

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Detroit Red Wings
Detroit Red Wings

Logo of the Detroit Red Wings

Stingley Cups Enough to brag about having the most.
Status Better than anyone else..just cuz
Time since last championship Too long..I mean come on..2008?
Randomness We help in the fight against octopusses by throwing them on the ice.
Stastny Yan
Detroit Red Wings
is Hockey-related
making it un-American

The Detroit Red Wings are a professional NHL hockey team which was based out of Detroit, Michigan until 1987, when Detroit was killed by RoboCop. They then moved to Pontiac but are still called the Detroit Red Wings.

Red Wings HistoryEdit

The Red Wings have been around since God created them shortly after making light, and have won many NHL championships and Stingley Cups.

Their logo, the Winged Wheel, harkens back to the days of yore, before the team existed, when the Detroit automobile industry tried to invent the flying car in 1952. It didn't work, but the automotive industry didn't want the cool Winged Wheel logo they had designed to go to waste, so auto execs kept their ears to the ground and tried to come up with ideas on how to use it.

In 1957, Detroiters learned that Canadians were playing a new sport called hockey when they intercepted CBC television broadcasts from across the river. People in Detroit actually took to the sport, and since they were the first to come up with the idea, decided to nickname their city "Hockeytown, USA."

Some rich-ass automobile dude put two and two together, started the Red Wings in 1958, designed uniforms with the Winged Wheel logo, and weasled them into the then-Canadian-run NHL, where they remain to this day. They were the first American team in the NHL. In the early 1960s, the Red Wings won a couple of NHL championships. This helped spread the popularity of the league in the white American world, leading to the American purchase of the NHL in 1967. After Phineas Q. Stingley became president of the league, many more American teams joined the league, beginning in 1968.


Old Ass Photo. Red Wings win one of their many Stingley Cups, sometime in the 1970s or 80s. Exact year unknown. Note that by this point, the Stingley Cup had started to get fat.

In the late 1960s, rioters and looters overtook the city of Detroit, so all the White People moved out of the city. This made going to Red Wings games a challenge for their season ticket holders. Many fans opted to ride a helicopter which would transport them in and out of the war zone, from somewhere in the Detroit suburb of Ann Arbor to the roof of the Red Wings hockey arena. This prevented them from getting carjacked or killed or crazy shit like that.

The Red Wings won many Stingley Cups in the period from 1968 to 1983. However, records are sketchy for this period, so it is unknown how many were won or which years they were won in. It is assumed that the White People rode the helicopter out of the war zone, and then had a nice little party back at the country club or wherever the hell they would do that shit.

When Detroit was put out of its misery in 1987 by RoboCop, the Red Wings moved to the Detroit suburb of Pontiac along with all the other major Detroit sports teams.

Why Do The Red Wings Wear RedEdit

Many people think that the Red Wings wear red jerseys because they are hockey playing, Canadian-loving godless communists. This is not true. The Red Wings owner is a notorious penny pincher, and feels that if the jerseys are already red, he won't have to pay extra to clean the blood out of them.

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