David Vitter

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This article contains information about an upcoming or ongoing Catastrophuck in the United States.
Content may change dramatically as the debacle unfolds.

David Vitter
is a United States Senator
for the state of Louisiana

David Vitter
David Vitter
Party Republican
Birth May 3, 1961
Birthplace Heaven
Religion Christian
Occupation Real American
Spouse Wendy
Masseuse Wendy (Cortez)
Super Powers Being forgiven by God.
Fun Rumor #1 Likes to wear a diaper while receiving deep tissue massages.
Fun Rumor #2 Is Not Rape if There is a Profit to be made of

David Vitter is the All-American junior Senator from the state of Louisiana. Vitter was hailed as a hero for saving countless lives after Hurricane Katrina. David Vitter courageously stood with brass balls and corrected the press by stating:

"In the metropolitan area in general, in the huge majority of areas, it's not rising at all. It's the same or it may be lowering slightly."

Who knows what flood of lies the liberal media might have unleashed had Senator Vitter not acted on his gut when he did. Vitter understood that the government had no business responding to this disaster, and hopes it will apologize to Our President soon.

Vitter the Morality ExpertEdit

Vitter is a family values conservative who has won a prestigious award from the Family Research Council. Using his expert, non-hypocritical judgment, he deemed Bill Clinton "morally unfit to govern" after Monicagate, and voted to impeach Clinton from the office of President.

Vitter's belief that homosexuality weakens heterosexual relationships has recently been proven correct. In 2003 he proposed a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, and since then, the gays just kept getting married. As a result Vitter had no choice but to go to a prostitute. (see below)

People Mr. Vitter Does Not May Actually KnowEdit

Things David Doesn't Like Very MuchEdit

Apology For A Series Of Non-Sexual Deep Tissue Massages (With Special Finish)Edit

Vitter Town Hall, Baton Rouge, 10 31 0901:26

Vitter Town Hall, Baton Rouge, 10 31 09

This Crazy Lady accuses Mr. Vitter of being Pro-rapist Pro-business. How dare she!

Vitter apologized on July 9, 2007 for "a very serious sin in my past" after his telephone number appeared among those associated with an escort service operated by the so-called "D.C. Madam."

Dastardly pornographer Larry Flynt released the phone record that led to Vitter's admission that he'd been a customer of Pamela Martin & Associates, the escort deep tissue massage service run by Deborah Jeane Palfrey on July 12, 2007.

During his press conference, Flynt said that he'd outed Vitter — and would be outing others, because of his hypocrisy; or as he put it: "I'm not exposing anyone's sex life, I'm only exposing hypocrisy."

Vitter's phone number appeared at least five times in the billing records of Palfrey's business, the first just four months after he was sworn in to the U.S. House in 1999 and the last on Mardi Gras of 2001.

Vitter Harriet Miers

Harriet Miers does not have her skirt hiked up. It's an illusion of the liberal media that infiltrated security at

On May 1, 2008 the D.C. Madam was found dead of a suicide.

There is nothing strange about this!

See AlsoEdit

(202) 224-4623 Call With Your Questions01:30

(202) 224-4623 Call With Your Questions

Got a prostitute question? Call David Vitter

External SourcesEdit

David Vitter
I am David Vitter and my lawyer swears I'm not a

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