has been approved for use in the "Leave No Child's Behind Abstinent Only"
Abstinence-Training Curriculum.
Using this tube of the internets will preserve your virginality.

Dating is a way for the parents of hormonal pre-surge-eligible children to arrange the next generation of Americans. This is a delicate operation, for it requires that the parents maintain their children's Godliness and virginality until the children are old enough to be released on the open market.

Non-Christian DatingEdit

Non-Christian dating generally involves sinful practices like dates arranged by the youth themselves (sometimes with no parental involvement at all), listening to the rock and roll music, driving around in cars after dark, having congress in positions that may involve the lifting of one or both feet of one or both teens from the floor, groping, heavy petting, necking, spooning, making out, cuddling, progression through a series of "bases," fondling, frottage, non-virginal sexual contact, doing it, fucking, and the attendance of social functions outside of Church, which may or may not include dancing.

Christian DatingEdit

Unlike non-Christian dating, Christian dating is wholesome and pure in the eyes of The Lord. The ultimate goal of Christian dating is to intelligently design the best marriage for all parties involved.

For the Satanic dating, the only goal is to have as much sodomy as there are hours in the day.

Security ClearancesEdit

All pertinent information about Christian participants is available through a special database at the NSA, which tracks:

  • birthdate
  • lineage
  • tax bracket
  • voting record
  • driving record
  • bank records

Meeting The ParentsEdit

Negotiating The DowryEdit

Purity BallEdit

The First DateEdit


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