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Dan Savage
has been a guest of The Colbert Report
and got nailed in the process
Newspaper
Randi
Dan Savage
Belongs to The Vast Left-Wing Media Conspiracy
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Not quite girlie, not quite man,
Dan Savage
is all Girlieman.
Savage-on-radio

Denied a spot on the Colbert Report, Dan Savage makes do with a NY public radio interview

Dan Savage is a gay attention whore, performer, editor, playwright-wanna-be, and author of a weekly column called Savage Love that appears in the Village Voice and many of the "urban weeklies" owned by that company. He's editor and co-founder of The Stranger in Seattle, one of the few such weeklies not owned by the Village Voice conglomerate. He is going to Hell.

He was nailed in a non-gay, totally heterosexual way on the December 12, 2006 edition of The Colbert Report.

Spurned By The Colbert ReportEdit

DanSavage

Miss Savage, making "woo-I'm-scared" hands when told of his expected nailing on December 12, 2006

Savage had not appeared on the Colbert Report until the December 12, 2006 despite constant requests from Savage's "people." His entreaties to the Report became so persistent that staff there reportedly considered hiring Charlene's lawyers at Nash DeBrutus & Short to file a restraining order against him.[1]

Savage's publicists -- a group of pretty boys who constantly flit about him, tittering at his every phrase -- have tried to paint Savage as the bizarro Stephen Colbert. They argue -- absurdly of course -- that Savage has had a similar effect on the media. They point to Savage's redefinition of the word, santorum and argue that it's just as significant as Stephen's definition creation of truthiness. Which is, of course, absurd.

And while it's true that Savage probably thinks he's as important as Stephen actually is, most other comparisons fall flat despite some apparent similarities in their biographies. Both are married. (But Savage is gay-married! In Canada!!) Both have children. (But Savage's child is gay-adopted.) And, besides, Savage is gay! Enough said.

The Real Dan SavageEdit

Dan Savage is an articulate potty-mouthed diva, kinda like Jon Stewart, only much gayer and not nearly as funny.

Just as Stephen creates a character to trick the media when they try to interview him, so too does Savage do "performance art." But Stephen appears in his real colors every night on the Report. Savage, on the other hand, rarely drops out of his character of a gaylamofascist, bitchy, know-it-all, former drag queen.

He created the character when his career as a playwright flopped. This character has been more successful than the plays were. Savage now rarely drops out of the pretense. Savage writes his column, his newspaper articles, and his incessant blog posts in character.

Savage Gets Nailed By StephenEdit

Dan-savage-gets-nailed

Gay sex columnist Dan Savage pleads for mercy while getting nailed by Stephen

In his nationally syndicated column and promotional visits to dozens of B-List interview shows, Savage tries to turn Young Americans gay. His advice to everyone is, "Go suck a cock." Unless it's a girl who's writing. He tells the girls to do some of that lesbian stuff which he doesn't really like to talk about[2].

On the Colbert Report, Savage tried to insist that in his column he tells straight guys to have straight sex, but Stephen nailed him on that lie.

"I'm gonna think there's some secret agenda to get me gay," Stephen told him.

Savage then tried to say something about a "klitowres" or something like that. It may be some kind of sex tool that Savage thinks straight guys should use, but Stephen set him right. "You lost me," Stephen said.

"Judging by my mail, there's a lot of lost straight guys out there," Savage replied, but again confused Stephen by saying some baffling stuff about this instrument.

"Again, give me a glossary," Stephen replied, "because I don't know what you're talking about."

Stephen got Savage to admit that he "perverts" sex with his books and column. "I've perverted sex the most[3] because I've talked a lot of heterosexuals into trying stuff they wouldn't have tried."

Stephen, of course, pointed out that this was "gay stuff." Savage tried to disagree, but Stephen set him straight about real sex: "It's man and woman. Woman on her back, her eyes closed thinking of something else."

Savage tried to say that's why "a lot of women don't want to have as much of it as men would want them to have." And that response showed just how gay he is.

Savage declined to sign the Stephen Colbert Covenant Abstinence Pledge.

No Time for VirginalityEdit

Because Savage tried to hog the discussion so he wouldn't get nailed so hard (in a totally non-gay way, of course), Stephen barely had a chance to talk about the importance of virginality. But, rest assured, if Stephen had had the time, Savage would today be moving to a split-level in Monroe, WA and attending a mega-church and gun shows every weekend.

Next time.

FactoidsEdit

  • He once insisted that his acolytes address him as "Hey, Faggot!" but gave that up when a wider group of newspapers picked up his column.
  • Savage created an alternative definition of the word Santorum that is now widely recognized.
  • "Savage" is his real name and not a gay porn name. (But with a real name like that, who needs a porn name?)
  • Dan Savage is not related to Michael Savage (who does use his porn name).
  • Denied having secret straight urges, even though everyone knows all gays do, but admitted having had straight sex. FLIP FLOP
  • Had sex with Brad Pitt (do not click if you are at work)

Things Dan HatesEdit

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Dan Savage
composed at least one non-audiobook book.


BooksEdit

  • The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriage and My Family
  • Gay Sex For Dummies

External linksEdit

Dan Savage's report on his appearance

NotesEdit

  1. Unfortunately, it was discovered that Nash has obtained a restraining order that prevents all Report staff from approaching their offices.
  2. Holding hands, combing each other's hair, etc.
  3. More than love, marriage and family

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