Dallas, Texas

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Dallas, Texas
is a Recognized City of the United States of America.
All the geography American schoolkids Need To Know.


Hotter than hell. Colder than whale snot. Wet. Windy. Dry. Dusty. Loud. Crowded. Expensive.




Dallas was founded by Tom Landry in 1960. Following the establishment of the Dallas Cowboys, Tom got the neighboring farmers to unite and build a town. The settlement was called Dallas to match the name of the football team.



Growing quickly, it was decided to import half of the population of New York to Dallas. These early settlers were known as Yankees and existed solely to bitch about everything in the city. In 1963, the leader of the Yankees- President John F. Kennedy visited Dallas for the first and last time. He gave a rousing speech about how much better things were in the Northeast than in hick town Dallas. After departing downtown, JFK violated several traffic laws and- following a high speed chase- was shot while trying to elude police.

Two more decades of civil decent followed until Mayor JR Ewing arrived in 1980. He decreed that the city should be divided by the Trinity River. Using migrant workers from Southfork ranch, JR had a deep canal dug in front of downtown Dallas. This large ditch was referred to by the natives as the large ditch.


In 1985, the city of Dallas became sentient and called itself METROPLEX. It began to devour nearby towns to satisfy its hunger. By 1990, Dallas had absorbed everything in a 300 mile radius except for Ft. Worth which was designated as way too country.

The DART (Dallas Area Rapid Transit) was expanded in 1995 to include light rail, heavy rail, hail rail, and little choo choo that could rail. Soon, Dart was joined by other spin-off transit companies including MART, TART, and FART.

Dallas made national news in 2003 when Billionaires Jerry Jones and Mark Cuban were married in a civil ceremony in Fair Park. The couple divorced in 2006 and Jerry Jones was forced to leave Dallas for nearby Arlington. Mark Cuban was given American Airlines Arena, Dallas West End, and Emmett Smith in the divorce.

In 2008, Dallas disappeared in the largest sink hole ever. The tops of the city skyscrapers can still be seen at the bottom of the enormous cavern. It is believed the sinkhole was formed by the excessive numbers of parking garages in the downtown area.

Dallas LandmarksEdit


Dealy Plaza


Southfork Ranch


Reunion Tower


Texas Stadium

Dallas is as metropolitan a city as Texas gets! There are numerous landmarks that are world-renown, but not just cuz they was on TV!

  • Dealey Plaza- Park established by US Marine Corps to commemorate marksmanship skill of hitting a moving target from both a school book depository and a grassy knoll.
  • Reunion Tower- Failed NASA space probe. Converted to hotel in 1980. In 1985, spinning restaurant at top malfunctioned and spun at 2000 RPM killing 20 German tourists
  • 'Southfork Ranch- Home of President Bobby Ewing
  • Texas Stadium- Home of God's and America's Team

Famous People Who Live or did Live in DallasEdit

Ross Perot- Billionaire who became famous after he stole the ring from Frodo.

Mary Kay- Cosmetic Mogul

Mark Cuban- Lord of Basketball Owners

Jerry Jones- Supreme Commander Dallas Cowboys

Stephen Tobolowsky - Character actor in over 100 films including Groundhog Day, Sneakers, Freaky Friday, and Garfield, as well as many TV shows, including recurring roles on Deadwood and Heroes.

Stevie Ray Vaughn - Musician from Oak Cliff. Inspired by his older brother Jimmie, he picked up a guitar at the age of seven, and (seemingly) never put it down again. Classmates remember him as far back as elementary school (Lenore Kirk Hall Elementary in the Oak Cliff section of Dallas) walking the halls and playing an air guitar. One day during Stevie’s junior year at Dallas’s Kimball High School, September 18, 1970, news flashed on the radio reporting that Jimi Hendrix, the super-sonic electric guitar rock superstar, had died in London. At the news, Stevie Ray’s world crumbled. He made his way to the principal’s office, upset and angry, and asked that a memorial assembly be held to honor Jimi. According to Stevie, the principal called Hendrix a dope head, refused the suggestion, and ushered Stevie out of his office. After leaving high school without graduating, Stevie devoted all of his time to his music and moved to the musical heartbeat of Texas (Austin). Ray Vaughn’s career was cut short and yet this emotional, talented, determined, and passionate Texas guitar plucker is now considered to be one of the most influential guitarists of the 20th century.

Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow met and hung around Oak Cliff in the early 1930s. On a crime spree that covered Texas and surrounding states, the pair committed 13 murders, numerous kidnappings, and several burglaries and robberies. They were gunned down in Bienville Parish, Louisiana by a posse of men led by Texas Ranger Frank Hamer on May 23, 1934. A movie about their escapades was made in 1967, starring Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty. Clyde is buried in the Western Heights Cemetery on Ft. Worth Avenue.

Dennis Rodman - Stranger than strange. Dennis attended South Oak Cliff High School in the late1970's. As a freshmen he showed little athletic inclination. At only 5-foot-6, he failed to make the the football team and quit the basketball team midway through his freshman season because he got little playing time. However, after graduation he spurted to 6 foot 7 inches and caught the eye of the coaching staff at Cooke County Junior College. He lasted only one semester there, but then went on to Southeastern Oklahoma State where he was named first-team NAIA All-American for three straight seasons. In 1986 he was chosen by the Pistons in the draft. In 14 seasons in the NBA, Rodman averaged 7.3 points and 13.1 rebounds and he led the league in rebounding for seven consecutive years, an NBA record. In his final season (1999-2000), he returned to his old home town and appeared in 12 games as a Dallas Maverick. In many way, Dennis is remembered more for his on and off-court hi-jinx than for his stellar athletic records.

Sheryl Stamps Leach -- Sheryl graduated from Kimball in 1971. She is the creator of the Barney the Dinosaur character that is the idol of millions of kids worldwide. She received an honorary Doctorate from Texas A&M-Commerce in 2000.

Meat Loaf - Bat out of Hell Musician

Famous People who went to St Luke's Academy

   Tommy Lee Jones Actor    The Client, Men in Black, The Fugitive 
   Steve Miller Musician    Steve Miller Band 
   Luke Wilson Actor        Old School, Charlie's Angels, Legally Blonde
   Owen Wilson Actor        Starsky and Hutch, Meet the Parents, Zoolander.

Aaron Spelling - TV mogul

A Typical Day in DallasEdit

At 6AM, the sun rises to its mid day position in the Dallas sky. The temperature immediately climbs to a steady 105F. A quick check of the morning weather shows that there is an ozone watch in effect starting at 7AM and continuing for five years. The weatherman assures the city that there are no clouds and it should be a smooth day. As you back out of the drive way, it begins to rain. Half way to work, the rain stops just in time for the sand storm. At lunch, the winds shift and a tornado touches down in nearby Denton. The drive home is treacherous due to the afternoon ice storm.

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