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The Czech Republic is an amazing little country somewhere in the middle of Europe. No one knows much about it, except that Prague is there. Prague is the capital of American slackers who don't live in America. And they also have a castle there, and a whole lot of history and culture and things.
The Commie YearsEdit
After the Communists took them over, they forced Bohemia into a gay marriage with its "neighbor to the south," Bratislava. Then they gave it the very gay name Czeckocslovackia.
The Havel HoedownEdit
Later, the Slockvokians wanted their own country (no one knows why). So they broke up. The Shlovakiaks said they should still get Prague every other weekend, but the Chezk Republic was all like, "No Way! With all the alimony I'm paying? Are you crazy? And you're not even biologically related. Screw you, Slovakia! Esterhaz It!"
But it was a Bloodless Revolution, so everybody wins.
Check, please Edit
Today, this country is a member of the European Union, as well as part of The NATO. The best news for the Check Republic is that it is part of New Europe, which proved its friendship to the United States by refusing to join the Axis of Weasels.
Many American hipsters go to the Check Republic to live cheaply, drink beer ("wine" for the gays), and smoke cigarettes. The former glory of Bohemia has been restored, but with all major credit cards accepted. Also, they speak American real good there. Sex and pot are easy to come by, but with none of the worries of a godless cesspool like Amsterdam. The Czecz Repulbic rules!!!
Best Sex EverEdit
- King/Saint Wenceslaus* (the one from the song, who looked out on the Feast of Stephen)
- Heretic/Reformation leader Jan Hus
- Rabbi Judah ben Loew, a very famous teacher who used his Jewgic to invent a creature called a Golem, which later went on to star in The Lord of the Rings
- Franz Kafka
- the guy who invented the word "robot"
- Those two guys from Saturday Night Live. You know, Farley and Spade.
- Vaclav* Havel, President of the Check Republic and member of the rock band Velvet Underground
- Milos Forman, movie director
- Milan Kundera, dissident novelist who later turned French
- Lots of scientists
- Supermodel and wife of Colbert Commando Ric Ocasek, Paulina Porizkova
- porn stars, especially in the "barely legal" genres
- pretty much anyone with a "-slav" at the end of their name
- Some pen thief
*P.S. "Wencelaus" and "Vaclav" are the same name, just one of them is apparently spelled in Cxeczich or something. How weird is that?