America is currently in a Culture War and it is Our Glorious Stephen's job to protect us from getting too much culture.

The Culture War is an endless war similar to the War on Terror and the War on Drugs, except with less Muslims and more Communists and heroin.

The Culture War consists of Real Americans vs. Communists and Bears duking it out for the soul of America.

Some people claim that The War On Christmas is part of the larger Culture War, though others claim it is merely a battle.

A credible up-to-date account of the war can be found in Papa Bear's new book. Reading it is, of course, ill-advised. Wait for the movie (hint: Stephen may or may not have a starring role) or at very least the book-on-tape.

Signs We Are WinningEdit


Contestant Nicole answered correctly: can you?

On the October 18, 2006 edition of The Report, Stephen noted that the TV game show Jeopardy! used a clue that pertained to The Report in its Pop Culture category, and that it was the priciest answer: $2000. We are definitely gaining ground.

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