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Godless Killing Machines
One of the Last Great Old Ones, Cthulhu is described by his followers as 'a pulpy, octopus like head on a scaly body with dragon wings and humanoid shape', or 'Rovesque'. While his cult chants, "'Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn", or "In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming."
What is not widely known is that Cthulhu is actually have a nightmare about Stephen Colbert vanquishing him with his instinct for truth. Also, he fears that Stephen Colbert's Formula 401 Sperm Kit will lead to the birth of a creature that the Great Old Ones will be forever banished by, but only if the mother is the oft spoken of maiden, Charlene.
You hear me, Charlene? Humanity needs you to give yourself over to Stephen. Or Cthulhu wins.
Youth & EducationEdit
What isnt widely known: the fact that Cthulhu attended Harvard, and graduated with a four point. What is widely known: Cthulhu smoked a shit ton of weed, fucked all the time, and couldnt snort coke because he has NO nose. Cthulhu was a party boy, and a good one at that. He drank liquor and various alcoholic beverages like they were, in fact, water. While this isnt hard for a demon/god/spawn-of-satan/someone-thats-friends-with-george-bush to do, its quite impressive that he managed not to get anyone pregnant.
In his senior year of college during a lecture in his Demonology class, Cthulhu got up, walked to the front of the room, stood on the teachers desk, SQUATTED, and proceded to violently defecate at least a weeks worth of spoiled fecal matter in front of the whole class.
Run For PresidentEdit
- Cthulhu Cthulhu
- Cthulhu Cthulhu
- The evil hate-filled Cthulhu
- From a dimension far away
- Flying through gates of madness
- And into your heart
- Turning dreams into nightmares
- Destroying all he sees
- Now begins a new adventure for me
- You and the dark one Cthulhu
- Sharing adventures and smiles
- It’s a magical bond two pals can share
- Soon the whole world will be made aware
- Of you and the death lord Cthulhu
- Making the world a better place
- Together you will have so much fun
- Sending all of my stupid friends to oblivion!
- You and the dark one Cthulhu.
Likes & DislikesEdit
- What is even less widely known is that Cthulhu suffers from chronic boredom, and likes Coco Puffs.
|Even a dark god wants to smell nice|