Credit Crunch

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This article contains information about an upcoming or ongoing Catastrophuck in the United States.
Content may change dramatically as the debacle unfolds.
Al Franken
Credit Crunch has earned

The Credit Crunch began in late 2007, when the Bears jumped out from behind their hedges and began to savage the banks, which had previously been doing just fine lending money to risky customers. This caused the banks to fail, and ultimately to be bailed out by the Greatest President Ever. For details on other fiendish Bear plots, check out their involvement in the Stock Market!

Side Effects Edit

Side effects of the Credit Crunch may include: nausea, dizziness, vomiting, homelessness, unemployment, worldwide Stock Market crashes, Recession, Depression, Canadian takeovers of the US, Democratic Majorities and Socialism.

Safe Bets During a Credit CrunchEdit

To partially remedy the side effects experienced above, the following course of action is proven effective as of late 2008. Invest in WMDs, Chemical Weapons, and Chemical / Biological Weapons Manufacturers. These are growth sectors, regardless of what the Bears are doing. Lucky for Dr. Stephen Colbert, The Prescott Group is a major sponsor of the Report, so he probably won't be affected by the Crunch. If you are heavily invested in these sectors and are still experiencing symptoms, have yourself checked for Factose Intolerance.

Solution Edit

In his infinite wisdom, the Greatest President Ever, in his capacity as The Decider, has decided that the only way to solve the Credit Crunch (ie the lack of credit) is to borrow money in order to reward the bankers and the Bears for robbing the bank. The Crunch was caused by inexpensive, easily available credit, and in his wisdom as the Decider, he has made inexpensive, easily available credit even easier to get. Sort of a "hair of the dog" thing, in which The Decider is very experienced. His lead has been followed worldwide by other countries, with obviously stellar results.

Recent developments in solving the Credit Crunch include the Greatest President's innovative HOTDARP program.

See Also Edit

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