Countdown To The Wikipocalypse

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Everywhere that freedom stirs, can't get fooled again.
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~ The Greatest President Ever, George W. Bush

Nation, the War of the Wikis is almost upon us, an epic event that could shake the foundations of the WikiWorld to its very core. On May 24, 2007, the Rasputin of Reason, the Marx of Markup, the Engels of Internets Encyclopedias, Wikipedia founder "Jimbo" Jimmy Wales will face off against our very own Socrates of Sack, the Titan of Truthiness, the Lincolnish Lion, Wikiality patron saint and the Greatest Living American "C-Train" Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A, in a Battle of Brains v. Balls. Only one internets encylopedia will be left standing. Heroes, Colbert's Trumpet is ready to blare from on high, and the end of Wikipedia is nigh![1]'s Tale Of The Tape
Colbert tape Wales1
Height 6'4" 5'6"
Weight 190 265
Reach The Colbert Nation a mere 2 inches[2]
Signature Move Haymaker of Truth Kool-Aid Fruit Punch
Nickname C-Train Jimbo
Turn-ons Truthiness, Justice, The American Way. Facts, Reason, Communism


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"Well, boys, I reckon this is it - nuculer combat toe to toe with the Wikkies. Now look, boys, I ain't much of a hand at makin' speeches, but I got a pretty fair idea that something doggone important is goin' on back there. And I got a fair idea the kinda personal emotions that some of you fellas may be thinkin'. Heck, I reckon you wouldn't even be human bein's if you didn't have some pretty strong personal feelin's about nuculer combat. I want you to remember one thing, the folks back home is a-countin' on you and by golly, we ain't about to let 'em down. I tell you something else, if this thing turns out to be half as important as I figure it just might be, I'd say that you're all in line for some important promotions and personal citations when this thing's over with. That goes for ever' last one of you regardless of your race, color or your creed. Now let's get this thing on the hump - we got some edittin' to do."
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Heroes and Lady Heroes, it's time to grab the Torch of Truth and shed the light of liberty into the reason-darkened recesses of the WikiWorld. Are you one of the few, the proud, the truthy? If so, we invite you to join FATWA[3], the Faithiness Army for Truthiness and Wikiality in America. With the Wiki-Free-For-All looming on the horizon, the FATWA's current mission is to prepare a surge of truthiness on these Internets Tubes. So Nation, it's time to grab your balls[4] and get your Truth on!

Wikipedia ResponseEdit

Will they show some balls or cower like a liberal? Absolute silence. It's as if the Cult of Wikipedia and wikinazis have forbidden their members of even mentioning the event. The Wikipedia mailing list, known as WikiEN-l to cult members and a popular hang out for Jimmy Wales, friends, and fanatics, has mentioned nothing of the upcoming event. Even Jimbo's vanity page has nothing. (Note: you are allowed to edit his page. He invites it. Mainly so his cult members feel special. But it means that an announcement is possible if any hero has risked his sanity and created a user account there.)

What will happen when Wikipocalypse comes. Edit

  1. Bears controlling the world.
  2. The extinction of Republicans.
  3. Everyone converting and becoming Jewish.
  4. The extinction of elephants.
  5. The Playstation 3 becoming popular.
  6. The cancellation of House.
  7. America becoming a colony of Taxachusetts.
  8. And the dirty apes may overthrow the bears, ruling the world, imprisoning humans and blowing up the Statue of Liberty.

See AlsoEdit


  1. We expect nothing short of weeping and gnashing of bots
  2. ...when fully erect!
  3. Any relation the the islamo-fascist word fatwa is purely coincidental.
  4. or Thatchers

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