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U R Here
Cortland, New York
is a Recognized City of the United States of America.
All the geography American schoolkids Need To Know.

Cortland, New York
Mayor: Brendan Rew
City Motto: Sure, I'll have another!
Nickname: "Better Than Homer"
Theme Song: Holy Diver
Population: Last time I checked about 20,000
Standard MPH: Fast
Principal industries: Meth, Public Assistance
Fun Fact # 1: Greatest Stephen Colbert fan currently resides here
Fun Fact # 2:

Cortland, NY is home to the greatest Stephen Colbert fan ever to live. Cortland is also filled with other Colbert loving citizens. Although a small town, it still flourishes with love and thanks for Stephen Colbert

However, the neighboring town of Homer, is filled with Jewish gays and Jon Stewart loving people and should be avoided at all costs. Homer is also semi-Canadian.

Cortland, New York HistoryEdit

Cortland was founded by a group of traveling Patriots who were attacked by a savage band of Canadians. In order to take refuge from these Canadians, the Patriots built a town, Cortland, forcing the Canadians to run away. Now every July 1, Cortlians celebrate the founding of Cortland.

Cortland, New York TodayEdit

Residents of Cortland realized that "Cortland" is one of those strange names that Canadians have, like Clay. They screamed at the thought that their city was more Canadian than they thought.

Cortland, New York LandmarksEdit

Tikki's Adult Boutique

Super Walmart

Famous People From Cortland, New YorkEdit

Greatest Stephen Colbert fan

Ronnie James Dio

A Typical Day In Cortland, New YorkEdit

  • Wake up
  • Fight Canadians for bacon for breakfast
  • Attend work/school/Canadian fighting class(mandatory)
  • Return from work/school/Canadian fighting class
  • Crank up furnace for the night

Strange Laws in Cortland, New YorkEdit

It is mandatory to attend a Canadian fighting class in order to ward off Canadians. It is also mandatory to eat bacon at least once a week.

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