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|Cortland, New York|
|City Motto:||Sure, I'll have another!|
|Nickname:||"Better Than Homer"|
|Theme Song:||Holy Diver|
|Population:||Last time I checked about 20,000|
|Principal industries:||Meth, Public Assistance|
|Fun Fact # 1:||Greatest Stephen Colbert fan currently resides here|
|Fun Fact # 2:|
Cortland, NY is home to the greatest Stephen Colbert fan ever to live. Cortland is also filled with other Colbert loving citizens. Although a small town, it still flourishes with love and thanks for Stephen Colbert
However, the neighboring town of Homer, is filled with Jewish gays and Jon Stewart loving people and should be avoided at all costs. Homer is also semi-Canadian.
Cortland, New York HistoryEdit
Cortland was founded by a group of traveling Patriots who were attacked by a savage band of Canadians. In order to take refuge from these Canadians, the Patriots built a town, Cortland, forcing the Canadians to run away. Now every July 1, Cortlians celebrate the founding of Cortland.
Cortland, New York TodayEdit
Residents of Cortland realized that "Cortland" is one of those strange names that Canadians have, like Clay. They screamed at the thought that their city was more Canadian than they thought.
Cortland, New York LandmarksEdit
Tikki's Adult Boutique
Famous People From Cortland, New YorkEdit
Greatest Stephen Colbert fan
Ronnie James Dio
A Typical Day In Cortland, New YorkEdit
- Wake up
- Fight Canadians for bacon for breakfast
- Attend work/school/Canadian fighting class(mandatory)
- Return from work/school/Canadian fighting class
- Crank up furnace for the night
Strange Laws in Cortland, New YorkEdit
It is mandatory to attend a Canadian fighting class in order to ward off Canadians. It is also mandatory to eat bacon at least once a week.