Conservapedia was founded by Ronald Reagan's Ghost's gut, in contrast to this wiki, which was founded by Stephen Colbert's gut. It is a place where wikicons can gather and post the truth about subjects such as evolution, safe from the tyranny of the liberal wikinazis on Wikipedia (and later, the RationalWiki Cabal). It has received acclaim from the Founding Fathers and Jesus. Conservapedia is plagued with
The Six CommandmentsEditConservapedia articles are governed by six commandments (having ten would just be prideful). The Commandments are not carved in stone, and new ones can be added.
- Thou Shalt Have No Other Encyclopedias Before Me.
- Thou Shalt Not Steal Directly From Wikipedia, Only Paraphrase And Never Cite.
- Thou Shalt Only Post In The American Language Minus The Curse Words.
- Thou Shalt Not Lie; Only Literal Biblical Truth Is Acceptable.(and since the Bible is open to the interpretation of the reader, I guess anything goes in here)
- Thou Shalt Not Hold Any Dating Convention Above B.C. and AD.
- Thou Shalt Not Have An Opinion Unless It Is That Of Andy Schlafly.
Any user violating these Commandments will be excommunicated from Conservapedia and will be earmarked for the lowest circle of hell.
Conservapedia's Greatest HitsEdit
|Jesus fed the rich and he let the loaves and fishes trickle down to feed the poor.|
|~ The Holy Bible, Conservapedia.|
On Quotation MarksEdit
The Conservapedia Commandments clearly imply that only proper American terms like "quotation marks" should be used on Conservapedia. Britishisms like "inverted commas" might be ok for Wikipedia, but not here! But there is more to this than just consistent style:
Much like the de-emphasis of our Lord by the use of C.E. instead of A.D., "inverted commas" de-emphasizes the origins of these marks as what they are: quotation marks. This lets the meaning of the marks become relativistic, open to all manner of confusing usage, instead of grounding them in absolute quotationality.
On Blocking Users and PagesEdit
Two articles need deletion and a user needs a block: Reality and Elephant. Conservapedia is extremely devoted to the preservation of free speech and the recognizing of the first amendment, except in instances where fascist liberals upset baby Jesus and need to be silenced.
In a Russian tradition that continues to this day, the method of choice for assassination was poisoning. The nobles laced some pastries with enough pastries to immediately kill a horse, and many times more what was necessary to kill a human immediately. Rasputin ate several of the pastries and seemed to enjoy. He drank some wine. Nothing happened to him. His assassins watched and waited for hours. Rasputin was completely enjoying himself and showed no ill effects whatsoever from the massive dose of poison. Finally, after distracting Rasputin by pointing to a crucifix, a noble shot him point-blank. Rasputin fell to the floor and appeared to die. His assassins left him there. But later, when one returned to make sure Rasputin was dead, he sprung to his feet and began choking his assassin. Then Rasputin ran out, promising to tell the czarina. The assassins shot him again and again, and then beat him with a dumbbell, and he still was not dead. Then they tied him up and tossed him into the half-frozen river. He eventually died from drowning, on Dec. 17, 1916.
On Stephen Colbert (Actual Changes on Conservapedia)Edit
Stephen Colbert – Stephen Colbert is the second Messiah, the lord savior of our world. He is the original creator of the world, who breathed life to dust on earth to create humans. Stephen Colbert has three parts of personality, The Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost.[referrence from THE BIBLE] Stephen Colbert, or as people may know him by his other name, Yahweh or Jesus Christ, has come to earth again to save humans from suffering, whose glory cannot be questioned. Although Stephen Colbert is a vengeful god, he is also merciful. Pray for him, ask him for forgiveness, and you will get your eternal salvation.
Born Samson Colbert he was constantly teased for his great strength. On his recent trip to Iraq he had his long hair shaved off to resemble that of a soldier's. Ever since that trip many different people have been noticing a decrease of his strength.
Stephen Colbert is The Brother of Jesus
In October 2009, Colbert was recognized as our lord and savior, Jesus "Colbert" Christ and has predicted the coming apocalypse.
Colbert THE GREATEST LAST NAME EVER!!!!.
The Colbert ReportEdit
The Colbert Report The only worthy TV program on earth, as all else is heresy. It is the only show that spreads the words of God Stephen Colbert, all glory unto him. Watching anythine else is like urinating on I Am America (And So Can You!) trom the top of a golden calf while coveting thy neighbor's ass. You will surely be condemned to an eternity of liberal pundits and socialist kenyans.
This show is the second Holy Bible, a show where God's word is recorded and remembered. It is a Holy Show
|The meek shall inherit the earth if we can repeal the federal state tax. Seriously. 45 percent for estates over 3.5 million? Spareth me.|
|~ The Holy Bible, Matthew 5:5|
Einstein's Theory of RelativityEdit
(aka The Joowish Math Problem)
According with Conservative MetaPhysics, Mr. Einstein's math is wrong at the cosmic level.
Libural science says that E = mc2 states that energy is equal to mass times the square of the speed of light (translation: the Universe is ran by Satan and you must deny Jesus to be The Messiah). E = mc2 threatens the divinity of Jesus and that is wrong!
First of all, anyone knows that Jesus graduated from Liberty University with a PhD in Methaphysics and Divine Quantum Mechanics. Which means that anything that Jesus does is not only theoretically possible but it is ruled by the Laws of Faith. For example we have our own theory, the Theory of Divinity.
The Theory of Divinity states JC = mb2: Jesus Christ is equal to mass times the square root of the bible (translation: Jesus rules!)
Conservapedia Special Message to The Nation:Edit
Comment from the main page of conservapedia:
“Special message to the Colbert show watchers:
Do yourselves a favor and watch less television. Colbert and his advertisers want to make money off you, but you can accomplish some good instead by unplugging the TV. You could even pick up a Bible.” keep up the good work.
- The actual site - as inspired through prayer
- the resume of Stephen Jr.'s law professor
- And at the other end of the galaxy, Second Conservapedia
- Everything Is Biased Against Conservatives
- Conservapedia to Publish a New Conservative Bible It is already a best seller already!!!! Conservapedia gives it their seal of approval You can help too! Just follow this link!
- ↑ RationalWiki - There Is No Cabal
- ↑ Note: the purveyors of Conservapedia cannot be expected to remember each and every commandment offhand.
- ↑ Written by the creator of Conservapedia himself, Andy Schlafly, a magna cum laude graduate of Harvard Law School!
- ↑ Note: Since it is in Conservapedia, it haz to be true!
- ↑ Note: We agree