Wikia

Wikiality

Conservapedia.com

Redirected from Conservapedia

12,416pages on
this wiki
Talk0
PHCollegeLogoSMALL
GOPLogo
God Touching Adam
CONGRATULATIONS! By visiting
"Conservapedia.com"
you have been touched in a very special way.
RRGhost1
"Before me stands a wall that encircles the web, part of a vast system of barriers that divides the entire internet. The wall is Wikipedia, an instrument to impose upon ordinary, god-fearing Christian men and their families the will of a liberal state. We demand change, for we believe that information and faith go together and that the advance of Christ’s teachings can only strengthen the cause of a moral standard by which all must abide. Jimbo Wales, if you seek truth, and a truly unbiased information source on the internet, come to Conservapedia.
Mr. Jimbo Wales, tear down this wall!"

~ Ronald Reagan's Ghost



Reality-tree-20070623

A family tree showing the myriad realities available.

Conservapedia (including Encyclopedia Conservativia) is a Stalinist Republic a patriotic, faithful collection of truth, and the latest player in the free market of realities.

Conservapedia was founded by Ronald Reagan's Ghost's gut, in contrast to this wiki, which was founded by Stephen Colbert's gut. It is a place where wikicons can gather and post the truth about subjects such as evolution, safe from the tyranny of the liberal wikinazis on Wikipedia (and later, the RationalWiki Cabal[1]). It has received acclaim from the Founding Fathers and Jesus. Conservapedia is plagued with Rats RationalWiki.

Similar to our very own Truthiness University, Conservapedia has its very own institution of higher education: the Eagle Forum University.

ConservapediaCatch22NewAccount

What liberals used to see when they tried to touch The Baby Jesus' tubes

Conservapedia-No-Bi-cropped-20070406

What liberals now see when they try to touch The Baby Jesus' tubes


The Six CommandmentsEdit

25px-DramaticExclamationPoi All You Need To Know...

The liberal bias on Wikipedia has caused a rise in crime, drug use, pre-marital sex, teenage pregnancy, pedophilia and beastiality.

Conservapedia articles are governed by six commandments (having ten would just be prideful)[2]. The Commandments are not carved in stone, and new ones can be added.
  1. Thou Shalt Have No Other Encyclopedias Before Me.
  2. Thou Shalt Not Steal Directly From Wikipedia, Only Paraphrase And Never Cite.
  3. Thou Shalt Only Post In The American Language Minus The Curse Words.
  4. Thou Shalt Not Lie; Only Literal Biblical Truth Is Acceptable.(and since the Bible is open to the interpretation of the reader, I guess anything goes in here)
  5. Thou Shalt Not Hold Any Dating Convention Above B.C. and AD.
  6. Thou Shalt Not Have An Opinion Unless It Is That Of Andy Schlafly.

Any user violating these Commandments will be excommunicated from Conservapedia and will be earmarked for the lowest circle of hell.





Conservapedia's Greatest HitsEdit

LeftCherubLeftCherubJesus fed the rich and he let the loaves and fishes trickle down to feed the poor.RightCherubRightCherub
~ The Holy Bible, Conservapedia.


On Adolf HitlerEdit

There are many documented incidences of Adolf Hitler claiming that he was doing God's work.(Citation Needed)

On Blocking Users and PagesEdit

Two articles need deletion and a user needs a block: Reality and Elephant. Conservapedia is extremely devoted to the preservation of free speech and the recognizing of the first amendment, except in instances where fascist liberals upset baby Jesus and need to be silenced.

On Rasputin[3]Edit

In a Russian tradition that continues to this day, the method of choice for assassination was poisoning. The nobles laced some pastries with enough pastries to immediately kill a horse, and many times more what was necessary to kill a human immediately. Rasputin ate several of the pastries and seemed to enjoy. He drank some wine. Nothing happened to him. His assassins watched and waited for hours. Rasputin was completely enjoying himself and showed no ill effects whatsoever from the massive dose of poison. Finally, after distracting Rasputin by pointing to a crucifix, a noble shot him point-blank. Rasputin fell to the floor and appeared to die. His assassins left him there. But later, when one returned to make sure Rasputin was dead, he sprung to his feet and began choking his assassin. Then Rasputin ran out, promising to tell the czarina. The assassins shot him again and again, and then beat him with a dumbbell, and he still was not dead. Then they tied him up and tossed him into the half-frozen river. He eventually died from drowning, on Dec. 17, 1916.

Conservapedia's GodEdit

Lord Hiram

On Stephen Colbert (Actual Changes on Conservapedia)Edit

Stephen ColbertStephen Colbert is the second Messiah, the lord savior of our world. He is the original creator of the world, who breathed life to dust on earth to create humans. Stephen Colbert has three parts of personality, The Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost.[referrence from THE BIBLE] Stephen Colbert, or as people may know him by his other name, Yahweh or Jesus Christ, has come to earth again to save humans from suffering, whose glory cannot be questioned. Although Stephen Colbert is a vengeful god, he is also merciful. Pray for him, ask him for forgiveness, and you will get your eternal salvation.

Born Samson Colbert he was constantly teased for his great strength. On his recent trip to Iraq he had his long hair shaved off to resemble that of a soldier's. Ever since that trip many different people have been noticing a decrease of his strength.

Stephen Colbert is The Brother of Jesus[4]

In October 2009, Colbert was recognized as our lord and savior, Jesus "Colbert" Christ and has predicted the coming apocalypse.

On ColbertEdit

Colbert THE GREATEST LAST NAME EVER!!!![5].

The Colbert ReportEdit

The Colbert Report The only worthy TV program on earth, as all else is heresy. It is the only show that spreads the words of God Stephen Colbert, all glory unto him. Watching anythine else is like urinating on I Am America (And So Can You!) trom the top of a golden calf while coveting thy neighbor's ass. You will surely be condemned to an eternity of liberal pundits and socialist kenyans.

This show is the second Holy Bible, a show where God's word is recorded and remembered. It is a Holy Show


LeftCherubLeftCherubThe meek shall inherit the earth if we can repeal the federal state tax. Seriously. 45 percent for estates over 3.5 million? Spareth me.RightCherubRightCherub
~ The Holy Bible, Matthew 5:5


Einstein's Theory of RelativityEdit

(aka The Joowish Math Problem)

According with Conservative MetaPhysics, Mr. Einstein's math is wrong at the cosmic level.

Libural science says that E = mc2 states that energy is equal to mass times the square of the speed of light (translation: the Universe is ran by Satan and you must deny Jesus to be The Messiah). E = mc2 threatens the divinity of Jesus and that is wrong!

First of all, anyone knows that Jesus graduated from Liberty University with a PhD in Methaphysics and Divine Quantum Mechanics. Which means that anything that Jesus does is not only theoretically possible but it is ruled by the Laws of Faith. For example we have our own theory, the Theory of Divinity.

The Theory of Divinity states JC = mb2: Jesus Christ is equal to mass times the square root of the bible (translation: Jesus rules!)

Conservapedia Special Message to The Nation:Edit

Comment from the main page of conservapedia:

“Special message to the Colbert show watchers: Do yourselves a favor and watch less television. Colbert and his advertisers want to make money off you, but you can accomplish some good instead by unplugging the TV. You could even pick up a Bible.” keep up the good work.

See alsoEdit

StromThurmond
Klansman
Despite what you may have heard
Conservapedia.com
Is totally not racist!


External linksEdit

FootnotesEdit

  1. RationalWiki - There Is No Cabal
  2. Note: the purveyors of Conservapedia cannot be expected to remember each and every commandment offhand.
  3. Written by the creator of Conservapedia himself, Andy Schlafly, a magna cum laude graduate of Harvard Law School!
  4. Note: Since it is in Conservapedia, it haz to be true!
  5. Note: We agree

Around Wikia's network

Random Wiki