|City Motto:||WWWD - What Would Woody Do? (A: not much)|
|Nickname:||Fuck, why bother?|
|Theme Song:||Hang On Sloopy|
|Population:||Less than Wyoming|
|Standard MPH:||69 mph|
|Principal industries:||scarlet red|
|Fun Fact # 1:||Buckeyes suck dick|
|Fun Fact # 2:||Buckeyes really suck dick|
Situated at the junction of the Scioto and Olentangy rivers, Columbus serves as the capitol of the State of Ohio, and as the seat of the religion of Buckeyology. Buckeyeology is estimated to have between 300 million and 500 million adherents spread throughout the country and world.
Upon crossing the Ohio-Michigan border on US 23 south, one notices immediately that the road is made of bricks of ash. The burning fields of poppy flowers have been shown to make drivers so scared that they speed up from the usual 32 mph to 85 mph. It is in this state of fast-motion that the hell Columbus becomes visible.
The Big Bear Revolt Edit
For a dark time in Columbus history, the entire city was held in thrall by bears. And not just any bears, Big Bears. The world headquarters of "Big Bear" was located in Columbus. While Big Bear was ostensibly a grocery store chain, it's real mandate was the promotion of the Pro-Bear Agenda as directed by the Kremlin. This is still a problem today.
Columbus, Ohio Today Edit