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Colorado invades Utah

Utahrado

  • Years Waged:1999-1999
  • Geographic Region: Wild West
  • Winner: Colorado
  • Loser: Utah
Participants
Winner #1 Colorado, New Mexico, and Texas Loser #2 Utah, Idaho, and Wyoming
Deciders
Winning Decider #1 Shear force - Lead by the AFA Falcon! Loser #2 Crazy Mormon myths
Weapons
Winning Side #1 Fear of GOD Loser Side #2 Mountain Bikes
Casualties
Winning Side #1 0 Loser Side #2 2,233,169

Colorado conquered Utah in the "Forgotten War" and occupies it to this day using a Stay the Course an Adapt To Win strategy.

Pre-war intelligenceEdit

Prior to the invasion, retired generals from Colorado Springs presented evidence of what they called a "clear threat" from the "old hippies" in Utah. They showed graphs and fly-over pictures of what they called "drug launching sites". They insisted that the "hippie theocrats" in Utah planned planned to launch missiles filled with "LSD" into all of the reservoirs in Colorado.

The generals insisted that Colorado militias would be "welcomed as liberators" by the people of Utah who have "suffered for too long under the brutal regime of psychedelic-crazed theocrats."

Unfortunate non-discoveryEdit

Colorado's brave militiamen quickly subdued Utah in successful lightning-strike raids. But the joy in Colorado turned to shock when Coloradoans learned that their soldiers were unable to find LSD or any kind of psychedelic in Utah.

Debate has been raging -- especially in Boulder -- about what went wrong.

Some have argued that the threats of "LSD" by theocrats in Salt Lake City were empty bravado, meant only to terrorize the people of Colorado.

Other dissident voices in Boulder have even suggested that the generals got it all wrong from the start. They claim that the theocrats were never talking about the drug LSD but were instead saying "LDS". This, they claim, is a kind of religious code for what most people call "Mormonism".

The vast number of NPR and Air-America stations in Boulder have been filling their air with stories purporting to "explain" this odd culture which is, apparently, some kind of Amish/Mooney $cientology, or something of the sort.

"Brink of Civil War" in Utah?Edit

Although most people in Colorado still support the job that their government is not doing in Utah, the liberal media in Boulder have been agitating for a cut-and-run deadline to end the occupation of Utah. They claim that James Dobson and the generals in Colorado Springs who advocated for the war supplied the Governor and the state's militias with "faulty intelligence".

They claim that the generals failed to recognize the vast cultural gulf that separates the Mormons of Utah from the residents of Colorado. Some of the retired retired generals have told the Boulder media that Colorado militias were surprised that the "occupied territories" of Utah have fallen into a state of what they claim is "near civil war."

The twice-retired generals claim that the Militia Commandant failed to recognize the long-simmering tensions that exist among what the dissidents are now calling the "LDS", "Reform LDS", and "Fundamental LDS" factions in Utah.


Utah's side and Colorado's sideEdit

There were states helping Utah and Colorado. First, when New Mexico heard about the war, New Mexico joined Colorado, because New Mexicans wanted to beat mormons SOO badly! Utah was like "Yeah whatever. I'll get my buddies Idaho and Wyoming". So Utah did. But then Colorado was like "Wyoming, you betrayed me! Well, Im gonna let a BEAST on my side! Hell yeah!". So Colorado got Texas on thier side. Utah was like "Colorado has Texas on thier side? Oh crap we're screwed". Wyoming quickly surrendered, but Utah and Idaho didnt, even though a lot of Utahns and Idahoans hid away exile. But then when the Utahns and Idahoans got beaten in Aspen, Idaho surrendered! Now it was Utah vs. Colorado, New Mexico, and Texas. When the Utahns got to Colorado Springs, they found out that Colorado has already reached Salt Lake City. Colorado won.


Utah's side:

Utah

Idaho

Wyoming


Colorado's side:

Colorado

New Mexico

Texas

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