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In 1776, Betsy Ross received a visit from George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Stephen Colbert. She was commissioned to sew a new flag for the Colbert Nation, and what resulted was perhaps the second greatest masterpiece of art in the history of the world, behind the American Flag of course. The flag was put up for a vote before the First Continental Congress and won with an overwhelming 11 “aye aye captains”, the only “naw dawg” votes coming from the “Founding Fathers of Terrorism”, Button Gwinnet and “Eggs” Benedict Arnold. Today, the flag flies proudly over the Colbert Nation, and it is mandatory for every student in public school to recite the Colbert Nation/Report Pledge Of Allegiance to it every morning before naptime.