Colbert Aluminum is a fan's cheap homage to Colbert Platinum, one of the featured segments of The Colbert Report, the award-winning news program hosted by America's Newsman, Dr. Stephen Colbert.

Created for the heroes going through truthiness withdrawals during the 2007 writers' strike.

Colbert Aluminum is also the name of Dr. Colbert's low-end segment for left-over foodEpisode #364

Black Friday, 2007 EditionEdit

Animatronic Fortune TellerEdit


Zoltar, the Animatronic Arcade Fortune Teller, from Hammacher Schlemmer, $8,999.95

Swiss Army KnifeEdit


Complete Swiss Army Knife, from Hammacher Schlemmer, 87 attachments, $1,199.95

French Absinthe FountainEdit


Authentic French Absinthe Fountain, from Hammacher Schlemmer, absinthe not included, $399.95

Expensive DessertEdit


The Frrrozen Haute Chocolate, from Serendipity-3 Restaurant, $25,000

7-foot RobotEdit


"The Genuine 7-foot Robby the Robot", from Hammacher Schlemmer, $49,999.95

R2D2 ProjectorEdit


R2D2 digital video projector, from FAO Schwarz, $2,880

Barry Bonds Action FigureEdit


Barry Bonds Action Figure, from FAO Schwarz, $20, guaranteed in stock

Mortgage EditionEdit

Abu Dhabi-Citigroup BailoutEdit


A portion of the American investment bank, Citigroup, for $7.5-billion dollars.

Automotive EditionEdit

The Oldest Rolls RoyceEdit


The oldest still-running Rolls Royce, 1904 model sold at auction for $7-million dollars.


Bag, Borrow or Steal is one of the new businesses that leases luxury goods items to people who have just enough money to pass as rich.

Bag specializes in designer handbags for the ladies.

Other companies include:

  • Mervis Diamond Importers rents diamonds
  • Halcyon Jets Holdings rents private jets starting at $25,000
  • Classic Car Club which rents classic and luxury vehicles to club members for an annual fee

Build Your Own HeartEdit

For the discerning executive, some Labcoat Larrys from Al Franken's backyard have slapped The Baby Jesus in the face with their application of stem cells to create a heart in a jar.

Regardless, scientistas! You think you're doing everyone a favor by proving that stem cells have value thus enriching medical knowledge, but what you've really done is make Dick Cheney immortal. No matter what price you put on this precious, precious heart-in-a-jar, Cheney will always have the cash to buy one. Maybe two...

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