God Touching Adam
"Colbert's Laws of Existence"
you have been touched in a very special way.

Colbert's Laws of Existence Edit

Law #1Edit

If an object cannot be seen or a theory cannot be believed, it must not exist.

Law #2Edit

See Law #1.

Early HistoryEdit

The Laws of Existence have existed as long as existence has. Existence has existed since God opened the eyes of Adam 6,000 years ago. Once Adam could see, existence began and the Laws of Existence commenced.

Colbert's "Discovery" of the Laws of ExistenceEdit


A ball rolled under this couch just before you came here.

Dr. Stephen Colbert, D.F.A. is globally recognized as the discoverer of the Laws of Existence, but he has always known about them. He was given this great knowledge by The Baby Jesus. For every generation since Adam, one great American has been chosen as the Keeper of the Laws. Dr. Colbert kept his knowledge of the Laws secret until the February 7, 2007 edition of the Colbert Report. On that day, a know-it-all heathen professor named Steven Pinker made a claim that "physical objects obey stable laws". Dr. Colbert recognized this statement as a potential terrorist threat and decided to reveal his knowledge of the Laws for the sake of national security. Dr. Colbert stated that "if a ball rolls behind the couch, it is gone." He then proved the Laws by promptly covering his eyes with his hands, which immediately made Dr. Pinker disappear.

Liberal Skepticism of the LawsEdit

As usual, liberals have drank their share of "Chateau Merlot" and chimed in on the conversation, providing their skeptical opinions with pot-induced theories like "The Uncertainty Principle". It cannot be clearer -- even in a bong-induced haze -- if Dr. Colbert does not feel something exists - it does not exist.

Applied Examples of Colbert's Laws of ExistenceEdit

Interactive Test Edit

You can prove the Laws are true for yourself, right now! Close your eyes and cover your eyes with your hands... NOW.

This Paragraph Does Not Exist Edit

You can't see the Web site or this paragraph anymore. Therefore, this paragraph does not exist. You have successfully proven Colbert's Laws of Existence, and we would like to congratulate you on passing the test! However, you are not aware that we just congratulated you because you can't see this paragraph, which does not exist.

See Also Edit

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