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Colbanium

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Note: Colbanium (element) is not to be confused with Colbanium (alloy) which is used in Anti-Bear Technology. There is a current legal battle on the Wikiality Supreme Court. Please wait while Prof. McDoc packs the court with favorable judges. We appreciate your patience.


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Science - you're doing it wrong

Science tells us Colbanium doesn't exist. But then they also tell us Africa DOES. Use your gut and get back to me.

Colbanium is an extraordinarily radioactive metal that is the only element on the heathen Periodic Table that is truthy to any extent.

History Edit

Colbanium as an element was discovered by the uber-nerds over at the Alchemical Research Department of the Colbert Loyalists. In search of new anti-fact technology, they stumbled upon huge deposits of it in dumpsters after it was swept out of the Colbert Report studio atop the Statue of Liberty's torch. Apparently, Colbanium is an excess residue of the extreme amounts of truthiness excreted daily at the Report. While trace amounts of Colbanium are found in anything truthy, the chief source of this Miraculous MetalTM is Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA. Which is why he should be declared a precious natural resource. Return our calls, Department of Conservation!

Usage Edit

Colbanium has one chief usage: to blow the living sh*t out of any given fact and make it truth. This is done in one of two ways:

  • The first is a truthiness-bomb, or T-bomb. This is made from refined Colbanium and it has these effects in a ten-mile radius:
  1. Turns any liberal into a Flaming Liberal
  2. Turns anyone of any other religion a Roman Catholic
  3. Gives any Colbert Loyalist telekinetic powers.
  • The next, for personal use, is an aerosol spray of Stephen's Formula 401 (the second-richest cource of Colbanium) that produces the same effects as above, and also produces fresh breath that lasts!


Colbanium In Relation to the Quantum Theory of Truthiness Edit

Geddylee

Geddy Lee's lack of balls may have been the result of either a Truthicution or his ridiculous singing voice.

Quick disclaimer: Do not read this unless you are well-acquainted with the Quantum Theory of Truthiness.

Read it yet? Alright, let's get spicy.

Theoretically, with the correct balance of truthientiousness, the immense concentration of truthicules contained within Colbanium may not cause a Truthicution of one's Quantum Truthic Structure as was preconcieved. Instead, it would, in theory, accelerate the Truth Cycle of the subject to Colbert levels. But it would require as specific balance of truthientiousness. Being one truthicule over the limit would result in a Truthicution. This situation is express thusly:

Before the effects of Colbanium: Truthiness = \sum_{k=1}^1 \frac{14*19}{4}=66.5

After: Truthiness = \sum_{k=1}^99 \frac{99 * 99}{1}= N

Again, this is only theory. We do NOT recommend you attempt to drastically increase your truthiness in this manner.

Does that not blow your mind?

See AlsoEdit

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