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Coca Cola

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ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.
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Coca Cola
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!
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Coca Cola
is a Truthiness Crusader!
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Hey Ma!
Pack your banjo and chewin' t'backer, we fixin' to enjoy us some
Coca Cola


Coca Cola is an American Drink that is rivaling Pepsi. While Pepsi is more of a British drink, Coke is a true American drink, in tha it makes you fat, is 94.6% sugar, has a secret recipe, (all 5.4% that isn't water and sugar - by the way caramel is a kind of sugar numb nuts).

Coke's HistoryEdit

Coca Cola was first invented in 1876, just 100 years after the Declaration of Independance. However, it was made with cocaine, which killed many people from 1876 to 1902. But by 1903, they took the cocaine out to save American lives, but they gave the cocaine leftovers to France just so that they get sick instead! Then, in 1926, people from Great Britain made Pepsi, which became the British Coke. But when Pepsi was transported to America, and when Coke was transported to Britain, both in 1936, Coke became suspicious. By the 1950's, Coke and Pepsi were rivals, and Pepsi bragged about itself, and Coke bragged about itself. This is still happening today, Coke still has the smaller dick, even though Pepsi does not know exactly what to do with theirs.

America's DrinkEdit

Coca Cola was made in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania in 1876. Pepsi was made in London, Great Britain in 1926. So Coke is America's drink, not Pepsi, papsi is a world drink (definition of world - all that isn't yank (or wank).

The Pepsi WarsEdit

Coke was originally just in America, and Pepsi as originally just in Britain. But since Britain was the 2nd best country behind America, (and still is) America brought some Coke to Britain, and Britain brought some Pepsi to America. Coke and Pepsi didnt mind it at first, so they were friends. That is, until 1948, when Coke started to become more popular than Pepsi in Britain. This made Pepsi mad, especially since Coke was American, not British. Pepsi declared war on Coke on October 7, 1949. Then, Coke started taking up machines, and Pepsi did, too! Pepsi had commercials, so did Coke! By 1976, Coke took over McDonalds, Burger King, and Wendy's. Pepsi took over Taco Bell, Kentucky Fried Chicken, and Pizza Hut. This battle is still happenning today after 62 years!

Alleged ties to Colombian Drug CartelsEdit

External TubesEdit

New Cola: Mercury Cola! You can taste the burning sensation!Edit

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