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These factonistas study the clouds and say the whole world is getting hotter.
What Climate Scientists BelieveEdit
Climate scientists worship a false god named Gaia. They believe that it is their sacred duty to spread the word of Gaia and Satan far and wide, and they will stop at nothing to achieve this unholy aim. Indeed, as part of their nefarious plan for Dictatorial World Domination, the climate scientists are trying to propagate the cruel lie of global warming.
What Climate Scientists Do All Day LongEdit
"Climate Models"EditAs part of their Satanic jihad against America, climate scientists create unholy things called "climate models". Liberal tree-huggers claim that these "models" accurately predict climate change, because they fit with past climate observations. However, the truthy truth is that this is utterly meaningless, as the "models" have been specifically crafted, manipulated, and distorted to fit with past data in the first place! What is more, these "models" can easily be made to fit any data!
For instance, tree-huggers claim that a "climate model" created by NASA's James Hansen and other liberals in 1988 showed "remarkable" accuracy in predicting climate change all the way to 2006. This can only mean that in 2006, Hansen's team tweaked their 1988 "model" in unspecified ad hoc ways to make it work all the way to 2006!
Furthermore, even though Hansen's "models" have obviously been rigged so that they can fit any data, our scientists of righteousness actually found that the "models" do not fit the actual historical climate at all! This seeming contradiction is merely a reminder to us that God is Great.
Classes Climate Scientists Take To Learn About Climate ScientologyEdit
The classes taken by climate scientists in their university years are a prime example of anti-American propaganda. Typically, a climate scientist will take the following courses in his first few years at college:
- Science 101 — How to Use Big Words to Sound Unbiased
- Theology 101 — There is No God But Gaia and Al Gore is Her Prophet
- Communications 101 — Introduction to the Media Fear Engine
- Politics 101 — We Hate America
- Science 201 — The Theory and Practice of Being an Academic Inquisitor
- Theology 201 — 72 Virgins in Gaia Heaven
- Communications 201 — How to Use the Media Fear Engine to Spread Liberalism
- Politics 201 — Introduction to the New World Order
- ↑ James Hansen et al. 1988. Global climate changes as forecast by Goddard Institute for Space Studies three-dimensional model. Journal of Geophysical Research, 93(D8):9341—9364.
- ↑ James Hansen et al. 2006. Global temperature change. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, 103(39):14288—14293.
- ↑ Tim Lambert. 2008. Climate Audit Comedy of Errors. Deltoid.