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U R Here
Clarendon, Texas
is a Recognized City of the United States of America.
All the geography American schoolkids Need To Know.
Hey Ma!
Pack your banjo and chewin' t'backer, we fixin' to enjoy us some
Clarendon, Texas

Clarendon, Texas
Mayor: A Squadron of Stray Dogs
City Motto: "I wrecked my daddy's Jeep into a tractor."
Nickname: "Dipshitville, USA"
Theme Song: Anything by George Strait
Population: Several
Standard MPH: 69
Principal industries: Deer hunting, beer hunting, queer hunting
Fun Fact # 1: Chewing tobacco is required by law.
Fun Fact # 2: Obama is a secret mooslim.

Clarendon, Texas is one of the greatest places on Earth for octogenarian conservatives and PVC pipe crosses. God is not only allowed in Clarendon schools, he's shoved down every young'uns throat to ensure unwavering obsession with all things Christy. A lot of the children also smoke weed, but they're not hippies, so it's OK.

The good fight Edit

Many teachers and Clarendon not only advise their students against Atheism, Islam, and the religion that the girl who works at the dollar store with all them tattoos believes in, but also the most heinously anus religion of them all: Liberalism.

Seldom a day goes by without an educator warning the class about Obamacare, warning the class about THE GAYS (and their leader, Obama), warning the class about Obama's laziness and softness on terrorists, or warning the class about Obama's drones and urge to institute martial law.

How do I find this wonderful place?! Edit

Clarendon is a lot like Silent Hill: You'll never find it.

If you do somehow find it, you'll soon realize there is almost nothing to do besides go to church.

Here are a few alternatives to doing nothing:

  • Shooting strays
  • Procreation (try not to do this too much, we don't want it to get into gross levels of incest)
  • Robbing convenience stores
  • Going to the drive-in movie theater (it's like a regular movie theater, but the screen is larger and there's mosquitos)

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