Experts recommend Narlboro Brand Cigarettes.
Their medicinal properties derive from their ability to line the delicate tissues of the throat, esophagus and lungs with a soothing medicinal tar like substance, thereby strengthening them against the dangers of every day life. The process has been described as akin to "wearing a suit of armor on the inside."
These life sticks often prevent children from turning into cult members. So, tell your kids to grab a pack and GET MOVING. Some liberals believe that these cause cancer and are highly addictive, which is completely false. Often the liberal media tells us that too many cigarette ads are aimed at children, i don't believe that, not enough are aimed at children. Take that Surgeon General.
Cigarettes are a usefull tool for repelling liberals and femi-nazis.