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|People Who Are in Cults|
The Church of the SubGenius started out in the 1980s as an underground art movement (or "meme") that got way too far out of control. Of course, this is explained by the fact that the Founder and Savior of the Church of the SubGenius, J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, looks a lot like The Great Stephen Colbert Himself. Some SubGenius followers have claimed that "Bob" was a forerunner to Stephen, but this has been questioned by True Believers in The Power Of Stephen.
History of A HeresyEdit
Anyway, when the Internets came along, the Church of the SubGenius moved right along with it. Today, the image of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs is considered one of the four great centers of Internets blasphemy, along with liberalism, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and those Godless, heathen atheists. Many atheists have embraced SubGenius philosophies, but the Church has found an especially rich vein of followers among the ranks of Linux geeks, role-playing afficionados, comic book fans, porn stars, and other stay-at-home no-lifers. Sadly, these same Internets-Americans often tend toward Internets addiction (especially online gaming). It is through their addiction and/or recovery efforts that the Church of the SubGenius has taken hold online.
Much of the Church's appeal comes from its secret initiation rituals, which involve "Head Launchings", Cow mutilations, riding UFOs , "Frop" smoking and something often talked about but rarely seen: real, allegedly "beautiful" women who are often shamefully showing off their bodies. (See also: The Big Debate) Secret SubGenius ceremonies are overloaded with such criminal, anti-authoritarian actions as pulling elaborate media stunts and pranks (something Stephen Colbert would never, ever do), releasing computer viruses, wearing Satanic goat heads, disrupting society, spending too much time on the Internets, having general fun at the expense of people they consider 'lower' than themselves... and making monetary sacrifices to J.R. "Bob" Dobbs who in turn justifies their sins rather than having them forgiven like REAL Americans. There have been rumors of an annual secret SubGenius ceremony taking place in New York, though this may be mistaken for the infamous Bohemian Grove. (In its January 1, 2000 issue, Time magazine named J.R. "Bob" Dobbs the biggest fraud of the 20th century. )
In June of 2009, the Church sent an invitation directly to Stephen Colbert Himself to attend their X-Day festival: Press Release: SubGenius Cult Invites Stephen Colbert To Doomsday
No Slack of BeliefEdit
SubGenius members believe above all else in the power of Slack, or "something for nothing." Despite the similarity to the term "slacker," SubGenius followers insist that "slack" does not equal laziness. A rallying cry of the SubGenius is "Repent! Quit your job! Slack off!," which as we all know is an affront to the righteous values of Christianity and American industriousness. True, full-blooded Americans are expected to work until they drop and be thankful for their Wal-Mart and temp jobs! The SubGenius heresy preaches that these holy ideals are false, and instead promotes the filthy nonsense that all were born with "Original Slack," which has been perverted by a worldwide Conspiracy of Normal People.