A Catholic owned building where Christians are welcome to express their undying love and devotion for Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Stephen Colbert is an avid fan of going to Church, and encourages all real Americans to do so.
More importantly, Stephen realizes that because there are so many churches out there, as long as you worship God, you will be OK. Liberals who go to Church will go to hell, unless they repent.
Important People in the ChurchEdit
The most important person in the Church is the Pope. Without his wisdom, there would be no truthiness in the Church. Such a lack of truthiness would make the Baby Jesus sad.
There are many people without formal religious training whose services are vital to God. Stephen Colbert acts as spiritual director to millions of little kids, namely through telepathy. His guidance is crucial in giving these children an opportunity to love the Baby Jesus. Jack Bauer is God's hit man. Beware of making Jack Bauer angry, because that means you've made God angry as well. Although his position is never certain, George W. Bush is important to God as well.
The First ChurchEdit
When God made the Church, he gave authority of it to Stephen Colbert first. However, Colbert lost that rule when St. Peter stole the keys to the Church. Colbert had planned to bring the Church to billions of people, especially the liberals of Jesus' era, but Peter chose to cure the sick and infirm.
As time went on, some liberals decided that the Church, with her great truthiness, was becoming too powerful. So they decided to spread lies about the Church, such as Stephen Colbert was a homosexual. Although Colbert wanted to use his mind powers to maim the liberals, Peter said no. Colbert realized it would be futile to argue with a man who thinks he can't be wrong while sitting on his chair.
Things That Happen In ChurchEdit
- http://web.archive.org/web/20100221073346/http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2010/02/18/international/i063342S01.DTL&tsp=1 Pastor shows sins on videotape