Chris Matthews

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Chris Matthews
has been a guest of The Colbert Report
and got nailed in the process
Al Franken
Chris Matthews has earned
Chris Matthews
is too drunk to drive himself home...
he must be Irish.

Chris in his younger days before consuming so many potatoes.

Chris Matthews is an American news anchorman who most people think sucks. He has perpetually drippy, wet lips, and most people only watch his show, Hardball, waiting to see if he will drool, or accidentally spit on a guest. But he can't really be that bad, he voted for our Great and Honorable President in 2000. He also sided with the heroic Republicans when they impeached the murderous, sleazy, immoral, Bill Clinton.

The format of Matthews show is to have three guests on at the same time, ask each a question, then interrupt them while they're speaking to answer the question himself. Then he asks the guests what they think of his answer. MSNBC is pleased with this format and has never asked him to change it. Matthews is now in a battle to keep his job, as his replacement, David Gregory tries out as a talking head with his own show.

Matthews turned to the darkside when he spoke out against the war that gave all Iraqi's unlimited freedom, universal healthcare (the good kind...ya know, not like in our country), and Nike shoes. Chris Matthews can be seen asking softball questions on his show Hardball on some liberal media channel. He is, however, a commie. This is because he appears to respect Al Franken and Keith Olbermann. Also because he is thinking about challenging the great lame Arlen Specter for his senate seat in 2010.

June 27, 2006 NailingEdit


Stephen pointedly not taking advantage of drunken guest Chris Matthews on the June 27, 2006 Colbert Report

April 14, 2008 NailingEdit

  • A very much subdued (and sober) Chris Matthews appeared on The Colbert Report, ready to accept his nailing any way Stephen wanted to give it to him.
  • Matthews obviously gun-shy from the nailing he took from Jon Stewart when a guest on The Daily Show
  • Stole Stephen's idea of giving a candidate for political office a 'bump' in the polls by interviewing him/her
  • Refused to say if he planned a run for the senate in 2010, though he did say that he has wanted to be a senator since he was a child, and not a fireman like most other children
  • Forced by Stephen to admit that his balls are mushy, compared to Stephen's, which are rock-hard (well, firmer than Tweety's)


Al Franken
Chris Matthews
Belongs to The Vast Left-Wing Media Conspiracy
  • Was photographed eating lots of potatoes by a Colbert Nation investigative reporter the night of his appearance on the June 27, 2006 show.
  • Didn't give a damn that Tim Russert hated his guts. He would have loved to get into a drunken brawl with him, too.
  • Wants a president who doesn’t have a fucking ranch.
  • Chewed up and spit out by Jon Stewart on the October 2, 2007 airing of The Daily Show for having a shitty outlook on life and then writing a really crappy book about it.
  • While a guest on Ellen Degeneres' show, he grabbed one of her boobs with both hands during an impromtu dance routine on her March 19th, 2008 show.
  • Aired the boob-grabbing clip on his show, Hardball to prove that it was an accident and he's not really a dirty old man
  • When aroused, Matthews admits to feeling something crawling quickly up his leg, while normal men feel something running down it. Matthews is not sure if he has 'restless leg syndrome' or is merely incontinent.
  • Kicked off the MSNBC anchor desk after the Democratic National Convention in Denver, for publicly brawling with co-anchor Keith Olbermann. He and Olbermann had to be physically separated, with Olbermann going back to his anchor desk in New York, and Matthews sent to be an "analyst" at the Republican National Convention in Minneapolis-St. Paul.

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