Charlotte's Web is a propaganda film funded by anti-American symphathizers intent on destroying the next generation through bacon deprivation.
THE FOLLOWING SEGMENT MAY CONTAIN TOP SECRET INFORMATION
ABOUT A MOVIE, BOOK, OR TV SHOW. AFTER READING AND COMMITTING THIS INFORMATION TO MEMORY, DO NOT DISSEMINATE TO THE PRESS OR PERSONS WHO HAVE NOT VIEWED THE SOURCE MATERIAL. ANY UNAUTHORIZED DIVULGANCE OF THIS INFORMATION MAY RESULT IN FINES, PRISON TIME OR BOTH.
Pigs can't talk. Rats can't read. And spiders can write by shooting sticky fluid out of their poop chutes.
Unfortunately, the recent remake of Charlotte's Web has resuscitated the arachnid-porcine conspiracy from its VHS slumber. Conscientious citizens are therefore urged to squash, spray, and/or eliminate all spiders in the proximity of state fairs, Muppet Shows, and Arkansas Razorback games.