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Charlotte's Web

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Charlotte's Web is a propaganda film funded by anti-American symphathizers intent on destroying the next generation through bacon deprivation.

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Pigs can't talk. Rats can't read. And spiders can write by shooting sticky fluid out of their poop chutes.

Unfortunately, the recent remake of Charlotte's Web has resuscitated the arachnid-porcine conspiracy from its VHS slumber. Conscientious citizens are therefore urged to squash, spray, and/or eliminate all spiders in the proximity of state fairs, Muppet Shows, and Arkansas Razorback games.

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