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Carlos Estevez, known to the collection agency as Charlie Sheen, is an F18 with tiger blood who bangs seven-gram rocks, pounds porn stars and rocks the shit out of sliding through life on mediocrity and family money. He is winning — unless by winning you mean actually winning any awards for acting.
He starred in TV's most commercially popular, and therefore best, sitcom, Two and a Half Men, in which he honed his acting talents alongside such luminaries as Duckie from Sixteen Candles, a 15-year-old boy and Megan Fox. In 2011, he gave a series of interviews in which he made bizarre, over-the-top statements and demanded more money for doing essentially nothing; he was fired from his show, but rest assured he can still find a place in Michelle Bachmann's Presidential campaign. Bachmann/Sheen 2012!
- He is on a drug called Charlie Sheen, which makes sense because, by now, Charlie Sheen is probably more cocaine than person.
- Every man in the room with you right now has had sex with a woman who has had sex with Charlie Sheen.
- Charlie Sheen is a level 57 Warlock
- He has tiger blood, which must mean that Martin Sheen is into beastiality.
- Will become the new House Majority leader
- He is not gay, he is Bi-Winning
- He is magical
- Much like George W. Bush's brain, Charlie Sheen's brain is special — if you were to try and use it, you'd be like, "Dude, can't handle it!" Like The Greatest President, his actions and decisions are too much for these terrestrial minds, and he makes you all look like droopy-eyed, armless children.
- He is actually a transformer, an F-18 to be exact
- Charlie Sheen is actually a distant planet from a far away galaxy called called BS-Sheen-57