Charlie Chaplin
has bad teeth and a funny accent because he is British.
Al Franken
Charlie Chaplin has earned

Charlie Chaplin was an "actor" and one of the founders of the Communist Party's Hollywood branch. Best known for his "Little Tramp" character, he popularized the radical notions that the homeless are human beings and that war is actually a bad thing.

Early lifeEdit

Chaplin began his long career of hating America by not being born in America. That's right: he was born and raised in England, the land of tea, crumpets and taxation without representation, where he grew up poor because God didn't like him. Once he had tired of living off of steak and kidney pie (known elsewhere as the Plague), he moved to the U.S. and became a huge movie star, making millions by falling down a lot. His "Little Tramp" character waddled his way into America's heart... even as he quietly prepared to sell America's ass to the Commies.

At the height of his popularity, his Hollywood clout was such that he could psychically bid William Randolph Hearst to shoot someone.

Treason with a funny moustacheEdit

Soon, Chaplin's films began to take on the whiny liberal tone today's moviegoers are all too familiar with; he was that era's Rosie O'Donnell, only funny, skinny and likeable. In The Gold Rush, for example, he encouraged homeless slackers to eat average Americans' hard-earned, delicious shoe leather, while in Modern Times he advocated troublemakers wedging America's industry with their own bodies (Chaplin was, in a sense, the first suicide bomber). Finally, in The Great Dictator, he played a character modeled after Hitler, which is the first point in a compelling argument that he was Hitler (did you ever see them in the same place in the same time? Case rested).


Charlie Chaplin

Thankfully, by the late 1940s America was alerted to the Red Menace and all of Mother Russia's Hollywood cronies. Chaplin's was the first of a long list of names that only God-fearing Republicans could look at. It didn't help Chaplin's case that he had had a lot of sex with impressionable young starlets — we're talking sex of almost Giulianian proportions, here — who had all been good, Christian virgins until Chaplin stuck his fork into their potatoes. The American public finally saw Chaplin for the pinko horndog he was, and his star plummeted. He went back to Europe, where they won't even let you in unless you're a slutty traitor, and committed his final assault on America by paving the way for Jerry Lewis' career.


Sadly, Chaplin has influenced countless actors and comedians who don't recognize the real American humor embodied in Howdy Doody and Amos and Andy. The little Commie even got his own biographical movie that was praised by the liberal media, even though no real legend could be played by Robert Downey Jr.

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