If you don't already have a
Cell Phone
your parents never loved you!

A cell phone is the most important invention of the 20th century.

What the cell phone will doEdit

The cell phone lets you talk from far away and send text messages to people who are very close to you.

The cell phone also allows you to download The Colbert Report and check email from the Colbert Nation, as well as to read Breaking News on Thus, the cell phone is much more useful than the land phone of auld, which only allowed you to send telegraphic messages through a series of telephonic tubes.

What Real Americans Shall Do with their Cell PhonesEdit

Canada's Phone Number:

1-800-O-CANADA (1-800-622-6232)

Call them and pull the following prank call: YOU: Your cat is on my fence. CANADA: I don't have a cat. YOU: Well, I don't have a fence.

Then hang up. Let's get the entire nation prank calling Canada until it gets a cat!

What the cell phone will not doEdit

Contrary to the lies perpetrated by some in the liberal media, the cell phone will not give you brain cancer. It will not make you a worse driver, nor will it increase automobile accidents. It has been proven that driving while talking on the phone is actually more safe than listening to rap.

What the cell phone will probably not doEdit

The cell phone will probably not give you heat vision or the ability to read minds.

See AlsoEdit

Abandon Truthiness All Ye Who Enter This Internets Tube!
"Cell Phone"
discusses one of the Liberal's Magical Machines.

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