Celine Dion was assembled in Manitoba in 1940 by evil French-Canadian scientists. Her unhuman voice was to be used as a weapon against the Germans, but instead backfired when she started performing in Canada. She later became an American Citizen in the secret treaty between Canada and the United States in which Canada promised to cancel hockey for one full season, elect a Conservative government within 5 years of Dion's arrival in Las Vegas, and finally turn the province of New Brunswick into an extension of Maine like it was originally intended to be.
Dion's upbringing was not what many would consider a nice upbringing. She was brought up on the mean streets of Isle de St. Pierre, Quebec, notorious for its violence and hate toward extremely skinny vocalists. It was here where she gained the strength of heart to move on, and on.
In 1995 Dion went through a dark patch in her life. She was lonley, troubled, and depressed and sought out salvation. She took a week long trip in the Arctic where she began to fall in love with a soulless killing Polar Bear. The Polar Bear had plotted for years to take over all of Nunuvut (the coolest sounding reigon this side of Kuala Lumpur) with the help of Dion. Fortunately, Santa Claus was near by and foiled the plot, capturing the bear and sending it to Gitmo and of course, rescuing Dion. Santa would later give up his successful enterprise to become Dion's record producer. The two were later married. From that point forward, when a child is to ask where their presents are on Christmas Day, or if there really is a Santa Claus, parents have immediately blamed Celine Dion.
Celine Dion will continue her reign of terror until the Lord God Jesus Christ rides down on his pearly white abrams tank of retribution, and smotes the evil demon back to the dank, vile pit whence she came, France or Quebec, it doesn't matter which.