Cats (Broadway show)

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Cats is a musical based on the writings of e.e. cummings.

The long-running show first premiered at Gerald Ford's Theater on the night that President Abraham Lincoln was assasinated by John Wilkes Booth. It is performed by a cast of kittens dressed as choo-choo trains, who roller skate around James Earl Jones, who plays an African or something.

This should not be considered a real musical. It is just a bunch of fools with good dance training and a really bored make-up and wardrobe team. Stephen sat through it once, and he thought he was going to kill himself.


Please note: this list is incomplete.

  • I'm Just A Naughty Pussy
  • Cat Scratch Fever
  • Can't Keep My Claws Off (Of You)
  • Gay Cat Strut
  • These Paws Were Made for Tearing Up Your New Furniture



  • The show is over four hours long and there are 1700 costume changes. However, no one changes the litter box.
  • No one who has ever starred in Cats has ever gone on to do anything worthwhile.
  • The cast of the Australian version was made up of British criminals who were forced to perform as part of their labor.
Cats (Broadway show)
is an insidious part of the
Fancy-pantsification of America!

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