Cashmere is a sumptuous fabric made from delicate stiletto-heel wearing goats.

These goats live in a special section of China overflowing with grass and tin cans and other goat food. So much so that no matter how many goats there are, God will provide and America will always have enough cashmere to keep Dr. Colbert's toilet seats covered, with the added bonus of creating air filthy enough to choke the West Coast liberals into staying inside their homes.

Things That Can Be Made of CashmereEdit

Dr. Colbert is a man of wealth and taste (see: Colbert Platinum). He often covers himself in the most luxuriant materials as yet known (see figure 1.).

When he is not draped in cashmere, he can be seen wearing it to protect any body part that has been injured through physical violence or insult (see figure 2.)

Not only that, but he often uses cashmere to make even his remotest home feel like a five-star hotel in the middle of downtown Dubai. In his mountain cabin, Dr. Colbert covers his golden commode with a cashmere seat cover.

Only then can he properly express his gut.

See AlsoEdit

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