Cancer is a disease that affects all people born between June 22 and July 22nd. It is the mutation of cells and causes massive cloning of cells. If you have cancer for a long time, you will eventually birth an exact copy of yourself. This is how Donald Rumsfeld has stayed alive for so long, he is actually the 9th exact copy of Donald Rumsfeld.
Contrary to the popular belief created by Liberal Propaganda, testicular cancer is a blessing in disguise. This is because your wife will birth many clones.