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|The State of CALIFOORNUA |
|State Flower:||The Poppy [Hint: what comes from poppies?]|
|Official Language:||Spanish in the south,French in the north|
|Official Religion:||Bear Worship|
|State Bird:||The Quail [Not allowed to shoot 'em]|
|State Fish:||The Protest Grouper|
|State Motto:||Free Love, Anything to Hurt The Baby Jesus!|
|State Motto #2:||CALIFORNICATE!|
|Nickname:||Blame San Francisco for the gays!|
|Governor:||Jerry Brown(aka devil-worshipping commie)|
|State Anthem:||"I Love California (and Hate America)"|
|Population:||As Many Commies, Hippies, Gays and Mexicans that Can Fit and 2 True Americans Named Scott and Joe|
|Standard MPH:|| We Can't Decide for Ourselves;|
We Have to Ask the ACLU.
|Principal imports:||People who hate America, New York intellectuals|
|Principal exports:||Hate America Firsters|
|Principal industries:||Hollywood, Communism, North American Frenchies, Irony, Porn|
|Fun Fact # 1:||Invented the abortion. California Governor Ronald Reagan signed the so-called "Therapeutic Abortion Law" in 1967, thereby setting the country down the road to abortion on demand.|
|Fun Fact # 2:||Hates freedom.|
|Fun Fact # 3:||Will fall into the Pacific Ocean when Jesus returns.|
|Fun Fact # 4:||California Ronald Reagan also signed the first "no fault" divorce law, leading to the deterioration of marriage and family.|
California is a continent/state full of people who hate freedom and the children.
California is home to California's Sixth Congressional District, the Fighting Sixth. Whether other districts exist is at yet unknown, though it is certain that California's 50th district does not exist due to their lack of help towards Duke Cunningham. Taking bribes is a cry for help! The lack of existence of the 50th means that San Diego is, in fact, a part of Mexico and not the United States
Recently passed state legislation makes the correct pronunciation of California conform to the Governor's. Phonetically, it should be pronounced "Kal-ee-four-knee-yah." Violators will be shot (some might say terminated). Or sent to re-education (in Russia). camps. Cauliflower is known primarily for it's blatant discrimination against legal residents and Americans.
Geography and climate Edit
Located just north of Alaska (see map), the entire state of California is currently sinking into the ocean at a rate of 40 meters per day. Some call this alarming, others call it justice, you decide. It would serve them right for measuring in meters.
This is due to the recent influx of American elephants, which have temporarily migrated to California due to a shortage of Donkeys in Florida. There is apparently no shortage of jack-asses in California so the elephant population should thrive there. Nonetheless, Stephen may want to do some thinning before it gets out of hand.
Some say California ceases to exist North of Sacramento. This mistake was never caught during the first map printing at least 100 years ago, and has been left on maps and atlases ever since. In recent years, there has been talk of splitting California into two states, Southern California, and The State Where They Grow the Pot for Southern California.
Due to California's bizarre geography beaches are almost nonexistent, with most of California's coast consisting of jagged cliffs. California's west coast is very unforgiving to surfers (although still, not as bad as its east coast). The first time you wipe out you get slammed into a rocky vertical grave (whatever you've seen on Annette Funicello movies notwithstanding).
Need more proof that God Hates California? Just look at the wildfires, those Wildfires were no accident, God was on a date with Sarah Silverman in Valley Village, God was high on Medicinal Marijuana, and wandered into the woods stoned, even though He was stoned, He knew He had to get rid of those Liberals, so He flicked His joint onto a dead tree, and laughed and watched the whole woods ablaze while eating Doritos, reading I am America (and So Can You) and watching The Colbert Report on TV.
In fact 4/5 people from outside America have never heard of this place.
All of the sports teams in the state are required to pay obeisance to bears. Sometimes, it's very simple and in-your-face like the California Bears from Berkeley (they use the name even though they don't actually play any sports there other than Jai-Alai and lacrosse). Sometimes, they try to hide their bear worship with names like the "UCLA Bruins".
So-called "professional" teams in the state are also required to worship bears, even though they sometimes hide their names like the "Raider Bears" or "49 Bears" with nicknames. A long time ago, there was another team there that tried to worship another of Satan's minions, the ram, but were forced to move to St. Louis (of all places) when they refused to adopt a bear-like name.
Do not be fooled by other sports team names like the San Diego Padres or the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, Duarte and El Monte as they are merely mocking the pure god-fearing peoples of the so-called flyover states.
California was inhabited by a race of super-intelligent mastodons which ruled over the larger human slave population. These early human inhabitants were only freed after they teamed up with an unholy alliance of giant eagles and bears. This ultimately resulted in a small nucular skirmish which killed all of the mastodons. The humans who survived turned away from the God-fearing eagle, however, and paid homage only to bears. All this happened less than 6,000 years ago.
Many believe the modern influx of American elephants to the state is to avenge their mastodon ancestors by killing all of the Cauliflowerians.
Famous People From Cauliflower Edit
- Richard Nixon
- Ronald Reagan
- Duke Cunningham
- The Zodiac Killer
- Charles Manson
- The Hillside Strangler
- O.J. Simpson
- Jack Bauer
- Marty McFly
- Abe Lincoln
- Abe Simpson
- Jessica Simpson
A Typical Day in CauliflowerEdit
|This woman is not a product of California's educashunal system and has leadership material. She could be The New Sarah Palin!|
Despite California's relatively small size (due to it sinking), there are many areas; each with its own typical day.
Due to its good planting climate, part of California is home to the huge fields of marijuana (Named best marijuana in the world by pot heads like AL Gore) and that is where all the Mexicans live. There, it might as well be part of Mexico as there is daily calls to give them their undeserved rights. A typical day here involves being called a gringo, surfing the earthquakes, and being a liberal.
Another part of California (known as the "Bay Area" as if it were the only bay) is much different. There are a lot less Republicans and Mexicans. A typical day here involves working in a cubicle, being a liberal, and surfing earthquakes. On second thought, its pretty much the same.
Also note that California's beaches are a myth. While there might have been some at one time, the gradual sinking and extremely cold weather leave no pleasant sea sides left. The only thing to surf daily is earthquakes and Mexicans. "The coldest winter I've spent was a summer in San Fransisco"
Also also note that people are prone to spontaneous combustion in California. This is is because the flaming homosexual activity in which 200% of the population participate has incited the wrath of the crackers. This also is the cause of every fire ever in California.
Anti-Gay Separatism Edit
Fears that the citizens of California will be forced to gay marry their neighbors (as gay marriage will become mandatory) will force real Americans to find a solution to preserve their heterosexuality. This group of civic minded individuals would decide to start their own group to
violently overthrow the federal government and secede from the union. The secession movement will ask for the passage of "Proposition: No Penetration" in hopes it will stop the gay wave, the proposition would make it illegal for a gay-man's penis to penetrate another man's ass thus preserving our heterosexuality. The language is pretty clearly written "from hence forth it shall be illegal for a penis to penetrate any orifice unless it is for reproductive purposes", the language is so clear that there is no room for confusion and no foreseeable consequences once the proposition is amended.
Once the secession movement forms their own state they will name it "The Tea Bagging States of Free Bears of the Free State of Not Gay California NAMBLA", it shall be a beacon of freedom, democracy, and no gayness. The new residents of this gay-free state will be able to operate their own (gay-free) companies. Sadly, because of the gay-free law, business will suffer and it will collapse their economy, these are the business that will be affected as a result of the new law: wedding planners, interior decorators, porn, Hollywood, etc. the
worst great part is that all computers will be mandated to run on Microsoft so office computers will be plagued with the blue screen in a daily basis, so no Apple.
Meanwhile gay California will become a land of debauchery, gay orgies will be mandated every Friday and heterosexuality will be banned. But because of their gay money California's economy will recuperate. Gay California will do business with other gay countries like Europe and Canada. This Gay State will try to adopt a new currency once they realize that their gay money has more purchasing power than the heterosexual dollar. It would be called the gay-colorfull-Hong-Kong-Euro and it will be based on the power of gay socialism and puppies and hippies (and weed, oh yeah, weed is legal in Gay California, probably as a way to temp heterosexual men to embrace the gay lifestyle). In conformance with European law, cars will be banned in California. The death penalty will apply for harming a tree. Otherwise it will be a pretty laid back laissez-faire place.
Some socialist countries would rather contain the United States in a giant bubble. Gay California agrees with this plan.
Laws Unique To CauliflowerEdit
- gays can(no longer) marry
- bears can marry
- gay bears can marry
- people can marry bears
- gay people can marry gay bears
See Also Edit
- Charitable Organizations in California
- The Banana Republic of Kalyfornia
- How Taxes are destroying Kalyfornia! Mr. Terminator, we need more tax cuts to save the economy!!
- Kalyfornia is bankrupt!
- California to pay off Welfare Queens. Sick!
- California hatez Nevada
- California to send undesirables to the moon
- Kalifornia to support water bottle industry
- Meg Whitman throws endorsement for Asian crossdresser/transvestite
- California, land of truth
- Police to arrest employer for hiring illegal and lying during investigation. The Law is the law lady.
- Annoying hippie tries to undermine our Democracy
- Rich Lady helps to stimulate California's economy
- Meg Whitman to stimulate California's economy a second time! Awesome!
- Nutella: food of commies
- California is still a hellish place
- New Hell on Earth