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White House
Executive/Cabinet Rank Members
is the cabinet post or job
of the United States of America

These are the most trusted, most patriotic Americans, and have thus been awarded with a Government job in The Greatest President EVER's Administration.

Cabinet Rank Members
Department Responsibilities Position Held By...
The Vice President The V.P. only does what The United States Constitution allows, nothing more, and certainly nothing less. Dick Cheney
White House Chief of Staff The Chief of Staff is really like a glorified secretary (as in little "s" secretary). He files papers, and answers the phone. Joshua B. Bolten
Office of Management and Budget The Head of the O.M.B. is like the Mommy; he takes care of how much money is spent. And he makes sure Daddy doesn't spend everything on poker night. Rob Portman
United States Trade Representative Making sure American businesses are not swindelled by unscrupulous Foreigners' dirty dealing and underhandedness is Hard Work. So, The Greatest President--EVER! created an office to look out for America's best interests. No one had ever thought of doing that before. Ambassador Susan Schwab
Environmental Protection Agency The E.P.A. is a coalition of current and former industry America-lovers who know their fields so well, that no one else could oversee them with such efficiency. It's True™. Stephen Johnson
Office of National Drug Control Policy Now that Canadians are trying to poison America's drug supply, it is obvious why this Office is so necessary. John Walters
White House Counsel The President's lawyer ensures that the President's actions are always within the bounds of the law - or, more accurately, declares them to be outside the realm of prosecution. Fred Fielding
Chairman of the Federal Reserve This officer of America's Bank makes sure all of America's money is counted and neatly stacked at the end of each banking day. Ben Bernanke
Social Security Administration Commissioner Changes the adult diapers, clips coupons, and tells the President how easy he has it. Michael Astrue
Corporate Liason This Office was set up to insure that no loyal Republican would go without a high-paying job EVER! s
Office of Christianity With gays everywhere, boobs showing up on TV and bears roaming America's Planet, America needs this Office now, more than ever. Dr. James Dobson
Republican Party Chairman The RNC Chair now works directly out of the White House; it's just that much more efficient. And isn't that what all those liberals want anyways? Mike Duncan
Distraction, Deflection, Distortion Minister This Office was created to make sure no one says the wrong things, and to make sure only the right things get said. Karl Rove
Propaganda Minister This Office makes sure that information is propagated efficiently. That's all it's for. Tony Snow
Foreign Propaganda Minister This Office insures that America's image is not tarnished abroad and to make sure Foreigners know that liberals are to blame for EVERYTHING! Karen Hughes
Presidential Poll Watcher Because The Greatest President--EVER! reads 1,000 books every month, he has no time to keep track of the things that are important to Americans. The P.P.W. serves this vital purpose. s
Presidential Scare-Monger BOO! Is that a terrorist?!
Would you be ready if it was?
Vice Admiral Mike McConnell
Presidential Blame Minister A highly attuned American whose superpower allows him to know who is to blame for a bad thing that happens even before the police know. And to make sure the media know too. s
Presidential Victimization Advisor The P.V.A. works with the press to keep Americans informed about all the bad things that happen to Republicans or The Greatest President--EVER! so the people can know how much Hard Work they are doing to keep America safe, despite all the attacks, name-calling, etc. s
Presidential Scapegoat No one is really sure what this office is for, but rest assured only a really good friend of America and America's Greatest President--EVER! could handle the duties necessary to fulfill it's mission. Richard Armitage

Dennis Hastert
The Clenis
Mark Foley

Presidential Strawman No one is really sure what this office is for, but rest assured only the worst enemy of America and America's Greatest President--EVER! could meet the requirements for this position. See: liberals

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