is part of the United States Federal Government.
Don't ask; asking only helps the terrorists.
is righteous and true
God Bless America
is one of the things they don't want you to know about.

The Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) is a government body charged with covertly protecting freedomocracy and libertocracy worldwide. CIA agents are known to keep a very low profile, as revelation of their identities might compromise the goals of the agency. A CIA agent's name may be disclosed only if Bob Novak determines it to be politically viable.

The CIA does not mislead world leaders; they assassinate themEpisode #561

(Another meaning for the CIA is the Colbinista Intelligence Agency. You can see their webpage here.)



The headquarters of the CIA's former parent company, United Fruit.

Note: In compliance with Secs. 201 and 224 of the USA PATRIOT Act, this entry has been sent to representatives of the Central Intelligence Agency and edited accordingly; however, due to the fact that all members of the CIA trained in HTML were fired because they were homosexual, all omitted information has been redacted. The CIA apologizes for this inconvenience, glances nervously to its left and to its right, and absconds into the black of night.

The CIA was founded in █████▋██ █████g██ ███ ██▋ demonic sorcerers ███ ███ ██ █ ███████ "Don't clean it up with Butt-tickets!" ▉▉█████ ███ ██ █ ███ Geddy Lee ████ ▉▉█████ ███ ██ █ ██ hippies. Goldie Hawn ███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊████████████▋burning bush ██ ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████ third day of the menstrual cycle ███ ███ ██ █ ███ box social ████. ████████████ ███ ▉▉██ but the experimental serum was found in J. Edgar Hoover's cocktail dress ███▊▊███ ██ ██ Grover Cleveland ▊███████ napkins were tainted with ███ ███ pixie sticks██ █ ███ to secure the Cuban fruit market ███ ███ ██ █ ██████▊▊███ ██ water balloon fight ██ ▊███████.████ ▉▉██ detailed list of Communist nations with substandard restroom maintenance ████ ▉▉█████ ███ ██ █ ███████ ▉▉██ and the last thing he said was, "in Jesus' name we pray, amen."

The CIA gained notoriety in the 1960s when it ████ ▉▉█████▊▊███ ██ ██ ▊███████.█████▋██ hippies ███████ ███ ██▋ saboteurs █████▋██ "mork and mindy" ███████ ███ Castro ██▋ Dallas motorcade ███████ ███ ██▋███▊▊██████▊▊███ Tupac Shakur ██ fried chicken ██ ▊███████.███ ███ ██ █ ███ Beatles records ████ ▉▉██ while, incredibly enough, wiretapping ███▊▊███ ██ ██ enhanced interrogation ▊███████!

Agency SealEdit

Absolute black lg

The CIA's official seal.

The CIA's official agency seal was carefully created to reflected the nature of the organization.

After its conception, the image, an emblem of a painstakingly-drawn ██ ██ ▊ proudly overseeing a lustrous ██ ▉▉███ ▊, was censored by the Agency due to the sensitive nature of the information it might have revealed.

Commonly Asked QuestionsEdit

Q: Is the CIA doing anything I should know about?

A: No.

Q: "Where is Waldo?"

A: This information is only made available to persons who satisfy security clearance criteria.

Q: If you black out almost everything you release, what should we believe?

A: EVERYTHING the government tells you.

Thinking of A New Career?Edit

Organizations Controlled By The CIAEdit

Organizations NOT Controlled By The CIAEdit


Will not be named until the appropriate court date. And maybe not even then.

See AlsoEdit

External TubesEdit

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