|People Who Are in Cults|
Buddhism is one of the lesser main religions in the world. Buddhists like Buddha, a fat guy who believes he will go to Nirvana, the Buddhist version of heaven, not to be confused with the rock band. But the fat guy thinks they'll be there too.
Siddhartha Gautama, or The Buddha, invented Buddhism and taught it to people. He was a prince near India and he ate lots of junk food when he was growing up, because he was spoiled. For many years, Siddhartha struggled with his weight. He tried all the diet pills on the market at the time, but none of them worked. Siddhartha decided to try this new weight loss plan, Buddhism. After he became interested in Buddhism, he realized that it wasn't a weight loss plan; it was a way to accept his obese self. He was so glad that he wasn't worried with the way he looked anymore, he decided to teach this Buddhism to everyone that would listen. Most of his followers only agreed to go along with his religion because they felt sorry for him. They had never met someone as fat as Buddha, and they didn't want to hurt his feelings and tell him his religion was retarded. Anyways, the Buddhists saw an episode of The Colbert Report and decided that truthiness was what they wanted the most. So now, trying to realize Nirvana and learn The Ultimate Truth were the goals of the Buddhists. That's the ultimate goal of Buddhists, to realize the truth.
Some claim that the original Buddha wasn't a fat guy - those were the ones in Japan. The original Buddha was actually really freakin' skinny... probably from an unfortunate lack of Doritos.
How God Feels About BoodistsEdit
Stephen, the BuddhaEdit
"Buddha" means one who is The Highest One, The Ultimate One, and The Knower of The Ultimate Truth. If that's what "Buddha" means, then Stephen Colbert is my Buddha, and better damn well be yours as well or you'll be considered un-American, a fate worse than death. Watch yourself.
Some Other StuffEdit
Buddhism isn't really a religion based on faith; it's a religion based on... Well, I don't know what it based on. Is Buddhism really that great, anyway? They don't even have a god, for Christ's sake! I mean seriously, a fat guy started it... But as long as his name isn't Michael Moore, it should be okay.
Layers of BuddhismEdit
Mahayana is a form of Buddhism. It translates to "Greater Vehicle," so we suspect it may be part of a communist plot to overthrow American dominance in the auto industry. They make fun of Hinayana. Vajrayana makes fun of them.
Hinayana is a form of Buddhism. They claim to be several forms that were all lumped together by Mahayana when they were making fun of them, and calling them the "lesser vehicle." Our gut tells us differently, though. They just choose to openly acknowledge that their cars suck, and can't threaten our auto-industry.
They believe that Mahayana has been corrupted by Hinduism, which is silly since all heathen religions are equally corrupt.
Vajrayana is a form of Buddhism. It translates to "diamond vehicle." Clearly they're either really rich, or stupid. Either way, they'll never sell such a thing, so our auto industry is safe. They make fun of Mahayana and Hinayana.