Buckley Ratchford
brings Wealth and Prosperity to Americans and
The Free Market
America thanks you, Buckley Ratchford

Buckley T. Ratchford is a partner from the investment banking Goldman Sachs.

Credit Card #Edit


Buckley T. Ratchford

On December 13, 2010 Stephen Colbert "found" Mr. Buckley's credit card, rather than go on a wild spending spree Stephen has decided to do the honorable thing, he is holding the card hostage until he gets an interview with Mr. Buckley. Stephen Colbert is willing to return Mr. Buckley's missing credit card as soon as he explains to Stephen as to why Mr. Buckley should be getting a big bonus this year.

Each day that Mr. Ratchford refuses to rescue his credit card Stephen Colbert will reveal a credit card number to the audience. This is not blackmail, this is a form of free market incentive. Just like when Goldman Sachs created an incentive for the Government to give away free money to rescue the economy from the reckless hands of Goldman Sachs. The sooner Mr. Ratchford justifies his bonus, the sooner he will get his credit card back. By the way, we are buying a mountain of cake on Mr. Ratchford's tab, after all he did say we should eat cake and something about pleasuring ourselves (yes, we are getting hookers too!)

Today's Number

  • December 13, 2010: Today's number is the number 5. I have five mistresses on the side, but only one knows how to give head.


On December 14, 2010 Stephen Colbert received a letter from Goldman Sachs’s Office of Global Security (that's euphemism for assassination squad) to return the card or face their army of armed lawyers. We at find the actions by Goldman Sachs to be disappointing; all what Stephen Colbert was trying to do was trying to return the credit card to the rightful owner for the price of one interview. That is cheap![1]. Mr. Buckley doesnt even have to talk on the interview, we can have the audience do the talking for him, as he is already accustomed to having other people do most of the talking for him[1].

If Mr. Buckley Ratchford didnt want an interview with Colbert, he could just have called his credit card company to have a new card issued to him. If the problem was that the humiliating event was just too much for Mr. Buckley[2] to handle, he could just have called Colbert and said so. Stephen Colbert appreciates the fact that not many people have the guts to face him as a man. Mr. Buckley then could just buy a new ego with his newly issued card[3] to overcome the fact that he lacks the will to confront an awesome foe. No harm, no foul.

Buckley Ratchford!

You've got dog balls!


  1. Mr. Buckley has referred his lawyers as the Mouth of Sauron several times
  2. We find that many people just dont have the balls to meet Stephen Colbert, its true. We are sorry to hear that Mr. Buckley suffers from the Ballness Deficiency Disorder
  3. and some new balls while he is at it

External TubesEdit

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