Britney Spears

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Britney Spears
Was an Uber Hottie but has committed an act of Hottie Treason!
She has angered Stephen Colbert and made The Baby Jesus cry.
She is banished to Hell to be Martha Stewart's hand maiden.

Beer gut
Britney Spears
is a drunk.
Britney Spears
is a CELEBRITY! Oh. My. God.
Britney Spears
is a "Certified Chick!"
You Go Girl!
MC Rove says,
"You can't touch
Britney Spears!"

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“I get to go to alot over overseas places, like Canada.”
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~ Britney Spears

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“I like most of the places I’ve been to, but I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan, simply because I don’t like eating fish, and I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.”
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~ Britney Spears

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“I like to poo.”
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~ Britney Spears

Hey Ma!
Pack your banjo and chewin' t'backer, we fixin' to enjoy us some
Britney Spears
Britney Spears,
when you touch yourself you make The Baby Jesus sad!
Keep your hands where we can see them!

Britney Jean Spears is a pop icon, known for her flawless dance routines, such as lifting up her skirt and ripping off clothes, and for her good girl persona. Spears' rise to success (along with her great fame, wonderful good looks, and fortune... especially her fortune) has come to represent all that makes America great. Unfortunately, due to her high profile and incredible success, Brit Brit has attracted the attention of the Blame America First Crowd (BAFC) and the efforts of the BAFC have temporarily derailed her career.


America's Sweatheart, Britney Spears, is like a ray of sunshine on a rainy day.


Spears rose to fame during those halcyon days of the 1990s when stocks were rising even higher than women's skirts. Pop music reached new heights with the boy bands, but unfortunately there was a void for all of the God fearing, heterosexual American males who also wanted to listen to pop music. Spears stepped into the limelight to fill this void.

Much like Jesus before her, Spears left her innocent, rural world behind to preach to True Americans and show us all how to lead the good life. With her half-naked dance routines, Spears brought a smile to the faces of many Americans.

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"Well the first thing you know ol Brit's a millionaire,
Kinfolk said 'Brit move away from there'
Said 'Californy is the place you ought to be'
So she loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly."
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~ Britney Spears recounting her family's reaction to her sucess and her decision to move to California

Along with Britney Spears' success and fame, came fortune. Spears purchased a mansion in California, and indulged in some of the spoils of her success. In particular, Spears loved to go "swimin'" in her "cement pond."

In spite of her fame and money, however, Spears still had void in her life that could only be filled with a family of her own.

Marriage and ChildrenEdit

Amid her fast-paced, celebrity lifestyle, Spears, like all good Christian women decided that it was time to mate. Spears married one of the world's most eligible bachelors, Dr. Kevin Federline, PhD.

Together, the had anywhere from eight were going well for the happy couple. Spears stayed at home to take care of the kids, while Dr. Federline made ends meet.

The pull of fame coupled with the efforts of the Blame America First Crowd, however, soon tore apart the once idyllic marriage. Under increased scrutiny by the liberal media, Spears found it difficult to have any private time with Dr. Federline. Due to all of these pressures, Spears also found it nearly impossible to focus on her kids or career. Spears' life eventually took a tailspin.


Bald Britney

Britney Spears prepares for her new reality series with Paris Hilton The Simple Life: Auschwitz.

Britney's life had taken a turn for the worse since her divorce from macherished celebrity Dr. Kevin Federline. As a result of the plotting of the liberal media and Playa-hatan', Spears has engaged in well publicized, yet completely hollow party binges.

Spears was so distraught at the breakup of her marriage, she completely forgot to put on her underwear for several weeks. In addition, after hanging out with Paris Hilton, Spears contracted lice and was forced to shave her head.

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"I'm just country, Y'all."
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~ The inimitable Britney Spears on justifying her existence

$cientology WatchEdit

Spears has had a bad run of substance-dependency along with her marketable name and dwindling fortunes. expects $cientology to intercede on her behalf very soon. Please check back regularly as this story develops.


One week, that didn't take long.

Cheers to Spears Edit


Britney Spears is the new spokesperson for "In-N-Out Rehab Centers".

Fans and Non-Fans alike can look to the fine example of Spears to know that it is not easy being super wealthy and having every opportunity in the world. Thus, Brit Brit serves as a cautionary tale to avoid the Blame America First Crowd at all costs.

Thank You Britney!

Britney Sightings Edit

  • Spotted outside of a local grocery store at a Girl Scout stand buying "All Of The Cookies."
  • Spied inside her biodiesel fueled SUV amidst security personnel while sporting a Tin Foil Hat.


Britney Spears at age 87 will move to Russia and retire from the music industry
Britney Spears
is a Proud Republican Goddess
God Bless America


Persis khambatta

Britney Spears in a production still from her role in Star Trek. Her hair style (or lack thereof) was truly ahead of its time.

  • Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979) - Bald Chick
  • G.I. Jane II: Enemy Territory (2008) - Jane Jr.
  • Ms. Kojak: Who Loves You and Is Also Your Daddy?

See AlsoEdit

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