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Governor of Montana.
Although he is considered by some to be a liberal, but Schweitzer often wears bolo ties. Liberals don't wear bolo ties. And that means that we know in our gut that he can't really be a liberal. Schweitzer also likes guns. A lot. He demonstrated his "gun cleaning" technique (at least, we think that's what he was demonstrating) to Stephen.
- (Both videos on Comedy Central with obnoxious popups.)
Stephen was sorely disappointed to learn that Montana had caved on speed limits. But Schweitzer demonstrated during his appearance on the Colbert Report -- it was done with a wink, wink, nudge, nudge because there aren't any policemen among the 62 residents of Montana.
The Governor thinks getting cheap drugs from Canada is a good thing. Stephen nailed him on that during the inteview: "You don’t know what’s in that medicine, sir! They’re Canadians, there could be Molsen in there. It could be skunky penicillin."
Schweitzer wants all cars in America to be converted over to coal-fired locomotives. It's not clear exactly how this would work because Schwietzer ran out of time before he could explain the crazy notion on the Colbert Report. Apparently, however, the Governor wants to turn that 'vette you've always wanted to run flat-out on Montana's roads into some kind of rubber-wheeled iron horse.
- During the 2006 election season, Schweitzer appeared in web ads on many liberal blogs with his dog, Spot. He threatened to kill the dog unless liberals sent him money or a new bolo.
- He refuses to build a fence to protect America from Canada or Wyoming.
- Schweitzer owns ranches where he raises donkeys. He denies raising bears on the ranches, but evidence indicates this may be untrue. Jack Abramoff, the long-time companion of Montana Senator Conrad Burns, has charged that the governor is raising bears trained to kill elephants.
- As a child, Schweitzer played "Alfalfa" in Hal Roach's Our Gang shorts.
- Schweitzer, like most herbivores (plant eaters, like the elephant) possesses teeth adapted for cutting and tearing off plant materials. Schweitzer must eat twice his weight in grass every day.
- Schweitzer has a gestation period of 22 months, the longest of any land mammal.
- An attempted cloning of Schweitzer in 2007 to produce West-friendly liberals went horribly wrong. Details are few, however one clone, calling itself "Ed Schultz" is missing and presumed "folksy"