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Aunt Jemima Sues the Obama Campaign
Somewhere in Mississipi, September 13-- Values Voter Summit organizers were tricked into buying and eating one of the latest of Obama’s products, Obama’s Waffles.
“I don’t know how this happen. I thought they were normal waffles until I saw his face on the box,” replied a local man wearing a white hood. “They trick me!!”
Aunt Jemima has decided to sue Obama for ‘Trademark Violation’. “Oh, no he didn’t!! Look at those popping eyes, those big thick lips, and … is he wearing a kerchief over his hair??? That’s mine bitch!!!”
“I don’t know how this happen… and I am the one that created and sold these things” replied Mr. Jim Crow Law, the creator, manufacturer and salesman of the Obama Waffles.
Mr. Obama, shame on you for tricking people again, and this waffles don’t taste like Hope at all!!
John McCain Acceptance Speech Great Success Or The Greatest Success Ever!!!!
The Soon To Be Greatest President Ever energized the Republican convention. So great was his speech that Obama was forced to recognised McCain greatness by hacking into the screen system and congratulating him personally. We have not seen this video yet, but we believe Obama bows down and repents for his sins. Since Obama has acknowledge McCain greatness, it is only time before the Democrats surrender their mooslim leader.
Urgent News!!! We got a hold of the video, hasnt been review yet but we believe this demonstrates who is the Soon To Be Greatest President Ever!!
Mooslim Prophet To Headline Democrat Hajj In Denver!
The Mooslim prophet, Mohammad(Peace Be Upon Him), will speak the final day. His plane is expected to arrive minutes before his scheduled time slot.
DENVER, COLORADO, August 24, 2008--
Internets Heroes Sue Plagiarizer!
Internets Heroes, editors of Wikiality.com, the Truthiness Encyclopedia successfully sue author for all the proceeds of his book that copied directly from their tubes!
COLBERT CITY, UTAH, August 15, 2008-- Lawyers for the Truthiness Encyclopedia have successfully defended their internets content from unauthorized copying and selling for profit. A group of Wikiality.com editors took author Jerome Corsi to court and sued him for for stealing truthyisms directly from their tubes, which he then published in his book with no citation or credit whatsoever.
"I felt like I was lynched and raped and treated like a common liberal," an unnamed Wikiality.com editor posted in the "News" section of the internets tube dedicated to Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A., "I feel this ruling will help me recover from all this rape and arson."
After spending hours reviewing the page in question (Barack Hussein Obama), the court officials determined that too many similarities existed between the two esteemed publications, including:
- every rumor being floated about Mr. Hussein Obama
- common spelling mistakes
- odd internet memes
- and a few rumors scheduled to be released later in the year in other publications
Mr. Corsi's publisher, Regnery, has asked that the new, unreleased rumors be removed from the internets and proceeded to counter-sue for intellectual property infringement.
The judge awarded the over 9,000 editors an equal portion of all the proceeds of Mr. Corsi's book, which has been calculated to be a half dozen Rush Limbaugh Official "Domincan Boy Inspector" t-shirts, one Bill O'Reilly loofa mug and 10 copies of a yet-to-be named Ann Coulter book for each plaintiff.
When asked to respond to the judge's ruling that swiftboaters get their information from a satirical website based on a word created by a comedian, Michelle Malkin began shooting ping-pong balls from her surgically-correct "dirty place".
The Greatest President Ever Ready If National Guard Unit Is Called Up
BEIJING, CHINA, August 9, 2008-- Eager to add to his growing legacy of terrorist-fighting, The Greatest President Ever spoke to reporters during his August vacation:
"I successfully protected Eastern Texas from communist dominoes during Vietnam," he shouted from inside his fighter pilot's mask, "and I'm not going to allow communists to retake Atlanta!"
Advisors, aides, consultants and confidants met in a secret compartment aboard Air Force One at the request of The Greatest President Ever to provide him with technical details and strategeries for dealing with another possible march through The Peach State.
The Greatest Vice President Ever and The Greatest Secretary of State Ever were both initially incommunicado, but after a few days of intense fighting and thousands of deaths, they were finally reached and their indispensable advice was given toward this quickly changing, urgent and unpredictable clash.
His story is well-known and is compulsory history for every American school child: 5 years younger than others who were drafted, he volunteering for the most hazardous missions; earning his fighter pilot's license in half the required time; bravely staying at home to protect the skies over Alabama from the swarthy Viet Cong.
"We were so proud of him," Mother Bush recounted via satellite, "but considering his genetics, it was expected for him to excel the way he has."
Father Bush's heroism is another story familiar to True Americans, "I don't want this to be about me," he proclaimed, "my presidency was shaped by my experience in one plane crash. People have to know that John McCain crashed five!"
Gently sitting his elderly father back into his seat below the regular stadium, The Greatest President Ever stepped up to his microphone to recite his reasons for getting more troops involved in the Georgian conflict:
"No Northern flag will flutter in there--this--here this Georgia! I will vow, I vow to send them back with str...your fabulous defiances...and stamp the evil axis! No longer will America look away, look away from our soldiers stand at, who are shoulder to--standing on shoulders and our hearts are emboldered! Georgia will suffer no wrongs inflicted and, or, or, insults. Our faith, our pledges broken, not broken, our faith is not betrayed, or broken pledges, no broken pledges. We'll betray our faith, no faith we'll have faith. We will not look away from another attack on our Homeland! God Bless America!"
As he spoke the Americans in attendence rose as one and waved miniature Dukes of Hazard t-shirts, which for reasons unknown, were sold at the Olympic stadium.
As he exited the swimming venue, The Greatest President Ever ripped his suit off to reveal his flight suit underneath. Laura tried to hold her composure, but it was clear to everyone that she was holding back tears as she watched her man was engulfed and held aloft by the sea of humanity.